


try for one more night

by allisonattheorpheum



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Time Loop, and files his nails while doing it, caleb covington can manipulate time, carrie and alex best friend supremacy, it was and still is a labor of love, multiple POVs, my first chaptered fic, t for idk it just doesn't seem like gen but what do i know, t for light swearing, the boys are all alive, the ships are all there but they aren't necessarily always the focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29117250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allisonattheorpheum/pseuds/allisonattheorpheum
Summary: “you have a deal,” she says. her ears are ringing and her voice sounds far away.“excellent,” caleb says. he slips the nail file back into his pocket and claps his hands together. “i’ll be watching, miss molina.”he brings a hand to his mouth, blows across it like he’s sending her an airborne kiss. purple smoke rolls towards julie, swirls around her like a cyclone. her eyelids grow heavy and she blinks against the fog. her head starts spinning and she sees caleb snap his fingers and disappear, hears his voice wrap around her:good luck.(or julie has to keep the band from imploding on the day of their headlining show at the orpheum)
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Carrie Wilson, Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Flynn/Carrie Wilson, Julie Molina & Flynn, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Comments: 53
Kudos: 64





	1. right now

**Author's Note:**

> title and chapter titles from "stand tall."
> 
> thank you to my beta, [alexandria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merceralexs/pseuds/merceralexs), and to [lauren](https://luke-pattersons.tumblr.com/), for being there for me always as i bombarded you with ideas and questions.

when **julie** wakes up, there are twelve hours until the most important night of her life. half the day stands between her and being on stage at the orpheum, the band’s name in lights on the marquee. somehow, julie and the phantoms are not just _playing_ at the legendary club, they’re _headlining_. she blinks, rubs the sleep out of her eyes, tries to make herself believe that, yes, this is actually happening. 

she hears noise from downstairs, ray rummaging through different pots and pans. he’d promised the night before that she would have a breakfast fit for a queen. the smell of bacon hits her nose and her stomach growls; she can already taste it, already feel the snap of the crispy strips between her teeth. her phone vibrates on the pillow next to her. she had fallen asleep on the phone with luke, had spent hours talking about the show, about the way it still felt like a dream.

she picks up her phone and sees a text from reggie: _it’s the day of the show!!! rise and shine_ complete with two emojis, a sunshine and a microphone. julie replies, telling him that she’s awake and can’t wait to see him later. 

“julie, are you up?” ray calls from the kitchen. 

julie swings her legs around, slides her feet into her big monster feet slippers, and yells, “i’ll be right down!”

carlos is already at the table with a plate of food and julie ruffles his hair, says, “good morning, _hermanito_.” 

he scoffs and lifts a hand to his hair. “you’re lucky i haven’t actually done anything to it yet,” he says.

julie laughs and walks over to the counter, leans down and inhales. “it all smells great, dad.”

ray hums and flips a couple of eggs. “only the best for my girl on her big day. how are you feeling?”

“i’m okay,” she says. “definitely nervous, but super excited. flynn should be here soon to help me pick out my outfit.”

“have you talked to the guys yet?” he asks, sliding the eggs onto a plate for julie, piling it high with bacon and potatoes.

she takes a bite of the bacon, perfectly crispy just like she knew it would be. “yeah, reggie was up early… he seems like normal, excited reggie. alex is probably out with willie and luke’s _definitely_ sleeping, but i’ll send him something to wake up to.”

ray arches an eyebrow and smiles at his daughter. “you know he’s got it bad for you, don’t you, _mija_?”

from the table, carlos laughs, sends little molecules of toast flying into the air. julie feels her cheeks warming, knows that her blood is rushing through her veins to collect there.

“thanks, dad,” she says, picking up her plate and turning towards the table. “aren’t you supposed to be _against_ me possibly dating the cute guy i’m in a band with?”

ray laughs and picks up his own plate. “hey, i’m not like regular dads,” he says. “ _especially_ when my seventeen-year-old daughter is about to play at a legendary venue! who cares if some stinky boy has a crush on her, she’s got bigger things to think about.”

they sit down with carlos and julie looks over at the fourth table setting, knows carlos placed the plate there before he started eating. she says a silent _good morning_ to rose.

“when you text him, though,” ray continues. “just let him know i’m proud of him, okay? i’m really proud of all of you.”

julie smiles and gets her phone out of her pocket. she opens her conversation with luke and types out a new message: _GOOD MORNING LUKE! my dad wanted me to tell you that he is very, very, very, extra super duper PROUD of you and we are going to kill it tonight. see you soon!_

she hits send and puts her phone facedown on the table. she looks at her family, thinks about her band, and knows that there is nothing that could get in her way, not today, not on the day that will launch their career to the stars.

*

 **carrie** and **flynn** are sitting along the breakfast bar in carrie’s kitchen, watching as trevor flips pancake after pancake, tops them with strawberries and whipped cream and chocolate chips.

“thanks for making all of this, dad,” carrie says. “we really would have been okay with cereal.” 

flynn looks at her girlfriend, hair high in a bun, face bare and luminescent. they’re holding hands, resting them on the marble countertop, and carrie absentmindedly runs her thumb back and forth across the knuckle of flynn’s index finger. 

“yeah, trevor, this is so nice,” she says. 

he turns and looks at the two of them, smiles and points the spatula he’s holding at them. “anything for my birthday girl,” he says. “it’s like when you were kids, right? if julie were here, it’d be _just_ like that.”

carrie’s thumb goes still and flynn looks over at her. her face is expressionless, mouth drawn in a straight line. 

“well, julie’s not here, dad,” she says.

trevor clears his throat, shakes his head and places two plates of pancakes in front of the girls. “get ‘em while they’re hot!” he laughs, puts an extra dollop of whipped cream on carrie’s stack.

eventually, carrie relaxes, sticks her finger in the sugary cloud and wipes it across flynn’s cheek. 

“there’s my girl,” flynn says. she looks into carrie’s eyes and tries to ignore the anger that clouds them.

after breakfast, flynn tells carrie she has to go. 

“yeah, yeah,” carrie says. “julie’s big night, how could i forget?” she turns away, busies herself with folding a blanket that had been abandoned on the couch.

flynn sighs. “i know it’s not ideal, but it’s not like she planned their biggest show yet on your birthday, care. she’s not that diabolical.”

carrie’s shoulders slump for a second before she straightens, flicks her hair behind her shoulder. “it’s fine, flynn,” she says. “breakfast was great and we’ll see each other after the concert, right? it’s a great day to turn eighteen.”

“you know, julie won’t kick you out if you want to come, especially when you and alex are so close.” flynn hugs carrie from behind, rests her chin on carrie’s shoulder. 

“she would have invited me if she wanted me to be there.”

“like you invited her to dirty candi’s last show? wait, you didn’t.” flynn regrets it as soon as the words leave her mouth.

carrie pulls out of flynn’s arms, shoots her a pained stare. “real nice, flynn,” she says. she checks the time on her phone and sees alex’s text asking if she wants to come down to the beach with him and willie.

“speaking of alex, he actually wants to spend time with me.” she presses a kiss to flynn’s cheek and heads towards the stairs. “go be with julie. i’ll see you tonight.”

“carrie!” flynn lets out a frustrated groan. “i’m sorry, okay? i promise tonight will be amazing.”

carrie only nods, takes the stairs two at a time. 

flynn walks to the door, grabs her bag off of the floor. she pulls carrie’s present out of it, a small jewelry box wrapped in a candy pink ribbon.

“your present’s on the mail table,” she calls, not really caring if carrie hears her or not. “happy birthday, care.”

*

 **luke** peels his eyes open, hesitantly, when it’s almost ten. his joints crack as he stretches, arms above his head, and the sun’s rays make a lattice pattern across his stomach as they peek through the blinds. it takes a few minutes before luke remembers: the orpheum. his gut clenches from excitement and, maybe, nerves (though he’d never admit it). 

he gets out of bed and heads to the kitchen, fills a glass with water at the sink. reggie is already up, probably has been for a while, and luke joins him on their battered couch, the cushion barely softer than a slate of concrete; he can’t really complain, since the sofa was free in front of somebody’s house. he, alex, and reggie had moved in together as soon as they walked across the stage at graduation and, now, four months later, they still only have the bare bones necessary for living. 

luke thinks that even that is better than being at home, constantly being torn down for trying to do what he loves. 

“well, look what the cat dragged in,” reggie says. he slurps the milk from the bottom of his cereal bowl, even though he knows the sound annoys luke to no end. luke glares at him.

“you’re up early,” he says, chugs half of the glass of water in one go. 

“gameday jitters,” reggie says. “is that what sports people call it? well, that, and nick called me and asked me to come into work. i was like, ‘no, nick, i’m not coming into work today and you know that so stop blowing up my phone.’”

luke laughs and kicks his feet up on the coffee table (a sanded and stained piece of wood on top of some milk crates). “alex leave already?”

reggie nods and changes the channel on the tv, puts it on some show about litters of puppies and watching them grow. “skatepark with willie.”

“sounds about right,” luke says. “i’m gonna shower. don’t let this make you want a dog.” he points at the tv, will never admit that the german shepherd puppies _are_ one of the cutest things he’s ever seen. 

back in his room, he picks up his phone from where he threw it the night before, half-buried in dirty laundry on the chair by his window. he sees a couple of texts from julie and he grins to himself, immediately sees her in his mind, all tumbling curls and that smile that could bring him to his knees. 

he reads julie’s texts, knows that she’s waiting for him to reply, but his eyes keep flicking back up to her first one of the morning: _my dad wanted me to tell you that he is very, very, very, extra super duper PROUD of you_

luke wishes his heart didn’t sink at the words. 

in the time since he left home, luke has had to pretend more than once like it didn’t bother him that his parents weren’t supportive of him. alex’s family is fine with him being a drummer, even if they’re still coming around on the whole gay thing. reggie’s mom and dad are too busy fighting to notice that he’s playing venues he used to only dream about stepping foot in as a musician. and julie, well… ray is her biggest fan, makes sure the band takes every opportunity they are presented with, and makes sure julie stays focused on her senior year, too.

so, really, luke wishes he wasn’t so bothered by the fact that ray is proud of him, but he is -- after all, he can’t remember the last time _his_ father ever said the word.

*

 **alex** watches as willie drops into the halfpipe, bounces his leg and taps his fingertips against his knee. they’d gotten to the skatepark early, just past nine, and alex had already been full of pre-show energy. he doesn’t have to be at the orpheum until the afternoon, but his mind is in overdrive, already rolling through the checklist he has for gig days. 

willie whoops and alex smiles in his direction, makes sure his phone is still recording. his camera roll is full of videos of willie skating, each one practically the same, but alex keeps taking them, watches them at night when he needs to remind himself that he isn’t dreaming. alex met willie only a couple of days after he and luke and reggie moved into their apartment, and it’s still sinking in that he could be so lucky twice over, first with the band and now with his boyfriend.

after a few minutes, willie comes over to the bench alex is sitting on, leans his board up against it and sits on alex’s lap. alex wraps his arms around willie, pulls him closer. “you looked good out there,” he says.

willie laughs and presses his forehead against alex’s. “you always say that.”

“it’s not my fault you always look good,” alex says. “hey, you wanna go to the beach? we’ve still got hours to kill and i’d love a celebratory snow cone.”

“sure, hot dog.” willie’s breath is warm against alex’s cheek. “but i was wondering… ”

“what’s up?” alex asks.

“you think i’m cool enough to score an invite to soundcheck?”

alex laughs, nods and lets go of willie’s waist with one arm, reaching down to where his phone sits on the bench next to him. “i’ll tell julie. you’re already on the list for the show so i’m sure it’s fine. here, let’s remind her how cute we are.” he holds the phone out in front of him, camera open, angles it so both of their faces are visible.

he attaches the selfie to a text, adds a message: _heyyyyy superstar, cool if willie comes to soundcheck too?? can’t wait for the stage lights to sweat off all of my nerves!_

willie slides off of alex’s lap and does a little dance in front of him, picks up his board and makes sure his helmet is secured. “okay, the mission is snow cones, right? let’s do this.”

“wait, let me ask carrie if she wants to come,” alex says, standing up and typing out a short text: _beach? snow cones? my psychic powers say you need it, birthday girl._

“dude, it’s her birthday, isn’t she gonna be with flynn?” willie pushes off against the sidewalk and starts rolling away from alex. he puts his phone in his pocket and jogs after his man.

“that’s the thing,” he says, already falling behind as willie picks up speed. “i know for a fact flynn is going to julie’s and that leaves carrie by herself and, if i know my best friend, she’ll be pretty annoyed. dude… ” alex wipes a bead of sweat from his forehead. “can you slow down?”

*

there are five minutes until soundcheck and luke is nowhere to be found. **julie** has called him over and over, has had reggie go back to the apartment and check if he was there, all to no avail. julie and the phantoms are hours away from a show that will change their lives and luke is missing. 

“what if something bad actually happened?” julie asks. the setlist in front of her is almost completely covered in ink, the pen in her hand having scratched over it over and over again. “we could call the police or the hospitals or something?”

flynn reaches out and stops julie’s hand, takes the pen from her. “i’m sure he’s going to show up any second,” she says. “right, guys?” she glares in alex and reggie’s direction.

“yeah, flynn’s right,” alex says. “you remember our first show at your dance, don’t you? we all have problems being on time once in a while.”

the stage manager peaks his head into their green room, tells them it’s time to start. julie stands up and reggie slings an arm around her shoulders. “come on, julie,” he says. “he’ll be here.”

sure enough, as the three of them are running through their second song, luke walks onto the stage. he grabs his guitar and checks his mic, avoids making eye contact with any of them. julie stops playing and and reggie and alex follow suit. “are you even going to say sorry?” she asks. “i was worried about you.”

luke finally looks at her and his eyes are bloodshot, like he’s been crying for hours. “i’m here,” he says. “let’s just finish.”

julie shakes her head and starts the song again, motions for the sound guy to turn the volume up on her mic. they make it through most of the song smoothly, their harmonies falling perfectly into place, julie trying out a few new ad-libs. as they get to the end, julie hears alex’s drum part turn into something that could only be described as confusion. she turns towards the riser and sees alex looking off to the side of the stage, follows his eyes towards willie, who is filming alex on his phone.

“guys, stop,” she says into her mic. luke and reggie listen to her but alex keeps drumming, launches into a full-on solo, smiling at willie the whole time.

“dude, chill,” luke says, his voice echoing through the club. “alex! cut it out!”

he does, after another few seconds, and turns back towards his bandmates. “why’d we stop? we sounded great.”

“oh, you could actually hear us over the cheering your boyfriend was doing?” luke asks. 

“let’s just keep going -- ” julie’s words are cut off.

“you mean my boyfriend who was actually here on time, luke? you know, the rest of us can read a clock,” alex says, voice laced with annoyance. 

“i showed up, didn’t i, bro? it has nothing to do with you.” luke jumps up onto the riser and stares at alex.

“and it has nothing to do with you if i want to impress willie!” alex stands up and leans over his drumkit, stops inches from luke’s face.

“jeez, guys,” reggie says. he tries to hide the shake in his voice with a laugh. “let’s just chill out, okay?” he looks towards julie, whose eyes are stuck on luke. 

luke turns back towards reggie and julie, spreads his arms out as if gesturing to a crowd. “jules, reg, would you rather play with someone who was a few minutes late or someone who can’t keep his focus on the music?”

julie rolls her eyes. “seriously, it doesn’t matter. both of you need to forget it,” she says, trying to put as much sternness into her voice as she can.

“it _does_ matter,” alex says. “luke’s just mad that the girl he likes upstages him at every show. isn’t that right, julie?” he flicks his eyes to julie and she meets his gaze, watches as luke’s guitar pick hits him in the middle of his forehead.

“stop it!” reggie yells. no one but julie hears him, luke and alex still bickering back and forth, and she’s the only one who sees the agony in his face. before she can say anything, he takes off his bass, leans it against his amps and walks off of the stage. before he disappears from her line of vision, he turns towards her, shakes his head. “i can’t.”

julie buries her head in her hands, listens as luke and alex launch into a new round of insults. she hears flynn on the phone somewhere in the VIP pit, trying to smooth things over with carrie. it’s a few more minutes before luke calls for reggie, asks julie where he went. she lifts her head. 

“he left. walked out about five minutes ago, not like either of you noticed,” she says. “you two were doing exactly what we said we never would. you know fighting just reminds him of his parents.”

alex’s face softens and he sits back down on his stool. “we weren’t fighting about him,” he says. “he’ll come back, right?”

julie stands up, looks at both him and luke. “i wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t.”

she leaves the stage and doesn’t look back.

*

 **julie** is pacing in the alley behind the orpheum when he arrives, with a flash of light and a cloud of smoke. he’s wearing a cape lined with deep purple velvet, so long it almost brushes the dirty asphalt beneath it. on his head is a tophat, taller than any julie has ever seen, and he runs his fingers along the brim before tipping it in julie’s direction.

“it looks to me like you might be in need of my assistance,” he says. his voice has a nursery rhyme lilt to it.

julie has never seen this man before, but she was raised on stories of him, stories of how he never ages, stories of his ability to appear out of nowhere, to make deals with dangerous consequences. she remembers the way her mother’s eyes would widen when she’d say his name: caleb covington.

“it’s not very nice to keep an important man waiting, julie,” he says. he pulls off his black gloves, one and then the other, and tucks them into a pocket. 

“how do you know who i am?” julie asks.

caleb laughs; it’s a quiet, menacing sound that sends chills down julie’s spine. “i know everyone when i need to,” he says. “or, should i say, when _they_ need _me_. tonight, i know you.”

julie wraps her arms around herself, shivers even though it’s in the seventies. “why would i need you, mister covington?”

“oh, wonderful, i don’t need to introduce myself,” he says. he pulls something out of another pocket, a slender glass nail file, and starts to run it across the nail of his index finger. “it appears to me, julie molina, that you’re on the verge of losing your band, amongst other mortal dramas that i won’t bother myself with. i can help you with that.”

“my mom told me about you,” julie says. “why shouldn’t i just turn around right now?”

caleb raises an eyebrow. “you know as well as i do that without your band, you’re back at square one, back to that sad, angry girl who locked music away like it’d done something wrong to her.”

julie opens her mouth to answer but caleb lifts his hand, cuts her off. “if your mother had her story straight, you know that i don’t do charity. there is always a price to pay, julie. you better make sure you’re willing to pay it.”

she considers his words. he was right, she knew, that losing her band would be horrible, especially now, on the biggest night of their career, the biggest night of their lives. she thinks about luke, obviously upset and bothered by something that had caused him to be late. she thinks about flynn, unhappy and having to argue over the phone because julie can’t figure out how to fix things with carrie. she thinks about reggie, how he walked out with no hesitation, willing to walk away from them because they crossed his one set boundary.

losing her mom had been horrible; it had been the darkest time of julie’s life. she couldn’t lose the guys, too. they are a part of her family. they’re a part of her heart. 

“i want your help,” julie says. she keeps her voice steady. “what can i do?”

caleb takes a few steps closer to her, the sound of his heels against the asphalt echoing in the alley. “i’ll give you a second chance,” he says. “and a third and fourth, however many you need to make things right, within reason. any more than seven do-overs, though, and it’s game over, things will go on as they are. to break the cycle, simply make it to your concert with none of the problems you had today... no lateness, no yelling, and you’ll have saved your band.”

julie interrupts him. “and your price?”

caleb points his nail file in julie’s direction, draws circles with it in the air, ponders on the question for a few unbearably long seconds. “while you’re in the loop,” he says. “your ability to sing will be gone. if you fail, you will never sing again. succeed and your voice will return, yours to take over the airwaves with. the choice is up to you.”

julie plays his words back in her head. she’d already lost music once, not singing a note for a year, drowning in grief, and her band had pulled her back to the surface. they had never given up on her, and she knew she couldn’t give up on them. sure, she could walk away, could forget all about caleb covington and try to fix things on her own, but luke had always told her to make her own opportunities, to live with no regrets. if she ends up failing, at least she would be able to know that she tried everything she could.

caleb clears his throat and she knows he’s waiting for an answer. the odds are stacked against her, but she’s beaten the odds before, being at the orpheum tonight proves that. 

“you have a deal,” she says. her ears are ringing and her voice sounds far away. 

“excellent,” caleb says. he slips the nail file back into his pocket and claps his hands together. “i’ll be watching, miss molina.”

he brings a hand to his mouth, blows across it like he’s sending her an airborne kiss. purple smoke rolls towards julie, swirls around her like a cyclone. her eyelids grow heavy and she blinks against the fog. her head starts spinning and she sees caleb snap his fingers and disappear, hears his voice wrap around her: _good luck_.

everything fades to black.


	2. and it's one...

on the biggest night of her budding career as a musician, **julie** wakes up with a headache for the ages. there’s a pounding between her eyes, a rhythmic _thud thud thud_ and she pinches her nose, squeezes her eyes closed again. pots and pans are banging together downstairs and every _clang_ of the stainless steel sends shockwaves through her body, every nerve on edge. _this is just great_ , she thinks. twelve hours until julie and the phantoms play the orpheum and she has a migraine.

her phone vibrates somewhere on the bed next to her and she reaches her arm out, blindly fumbles for it. as she brings it in front of her face and she reluctantly opens her eyes, she sees it: a brushstroke of purple across her forearm, dusty like chalk residue. she stares at it, rubs at her eyes with the hand not holding her phone and looks again. it’s still there and, if she focuses on it, it’s almost like the purple is sparkling, shimmering in the light. 

her heartbeat lives in her temples. her room shifts around her, the edges of her vision go fuzzy, and she thinks she might pass out before it all snaps back into place, the bass drum in her head going quiet. 

“julie, are you up?” ray calls up the stairs. 

she knows about the idea of déjà vu, of course she does, but she never thought she would experience it as strongly as she is now. her dad has called her down for breakfast before, but never on the morning of the day of the biggest concert she has ever played, yet she _knows_ she’s been here before.

when it hits her, it’s like all of the oxygen is pulled back out of her lungs: caleb covington.

" _mija_? your food’s going to get cold.”

julie sits up and puts on her monster slippers. “i’ll be right down!” flashes of yesterday, no, _today_ , run through julie’s head: luke late for soundcheck, alex fighting with him, reggie leaving. she closes her eyes and pictures the alleyway, caleb covington materializing there. 

what has she gotten herself into?

she looks down to her phone, sees a text from reggie. she answers him, tries to make her reply as normal as possible: _i’m up! can’t wait to see you!_ she finds her conversation with flynn and starts to type: _what if i told you_

her thumbs hover above the keyboard. she deletes the message and puts her phone in the pocket of her pajama pants. “she’d say you were losing it,” she says to herself. “again.”

julie focuses on trying to remember her deal with caleb. she hadn’t wanted to lose the band, hadn’t wanted to miss out on their biggest opportunity yet. seven do-overs, that’s what they had agreed upon, seven chances to make things go the way they should. there was something else, though, a price to pay…

she remembers, and the realization sits heavy in her stomach like a boulder. she tries to sing, tries to project the first line of “edge of great” into every corner of her room. the only sound that comes out is her sigh once she realizes it’s true: he took her voice. she could cry, she could get angry, she could climb back into bed and sleep the day away. but julie knew she had agreed to the deal of her own volition, and she knew that in order to keep her band, play their show at the orpheum, _and_ get her voice back, she’d have to do a lot more than cry.

she’d have to make a plan.

*

sand has already seeped into **carrie** ’s sandals when she sees them, alex and willie in line at the snow cone stand. alex spots her shortly after, waves his arms in the air like a car lot inflatable. “carrie!” he yells. “what flavor do you want?”

she rolls her eyes and walks towards them faster, feels the sand getting stuck in between her toes. alex pulls her into a hug immediately, almost lifts her off of the ground. “happy birthday, care bear!” willie grins and echoes the sentiment.

“thanks, you two,” she says. “and even though it’s a _little_ early for snow cones, i’ll take pink lemonade.”

“hey, if the stand is open, it is _not_ too early.”

alex has a point, so she waits as he places the order and then hands her a cone, pink shaved ice glistening in the sun. she scrapes her front teeth across the treat, the syrup seeps onto her tongue, sticky sweet.

“okay, spill,” alex says, as they find an empty bench and sit down. his cotton candy cone is already melting down over his fingers. “what’d flynn get you?”

carrie sighs and adjusts her sunglasses, pulls her hair up off of her neck. “i didn’t open it yet.”

she watches as willie and alex share a look, oblivious to her eyes on theirs through the tint of her lenses. alex mouths the words _told you so_. 

“why not?” willie asks. alex elbows him in the side.

“i know you’re new,” she says. alex shoots her a look and she gives him one right back. “what? it’s true. _anyways_ , i’m sure alex has filled you in on some of the more dramatic details. my dad said something about julie at breakfast, and then flynn said she was leaving to head over there and, i don’t know, the dirty candi carrie came out. i was a complete bitch to her.”

alex switches his snow cone to his other hand, slings his arm around carrie’s shoulder. his fingers stick to her skin.

“you knew what you were signing up for when you started dating her, care. they’re best friends, just like you and me.” 

“i know!” carrie says, her words tart like the pink lemonade cone. “i know, trust me. i guess… no, i can’t say it.”

alex laughs and leans in closer to carrie, takes a lick of her shaved ice. “say it.” his breath is artificial citrus in her nose. 

“i know that i’m most of the problem between me and julie. like, i’ll own that, whatever. i guess i wish i could have went to julie’s, too.”

alex’s expression softens and he presses a kiss to carrie’s cheek. “if you want to work on it,” he says. “i’ll do whatever i can to help. julie’s not made of ice, and neither are you. she misses you, too.”

carrie smiles and rests her head on his shoulder, takes another bite of ice. “but in the meantime, it _is_ my birthday, so… shopping?”

alex jumps up off of the bench, knocking carrie to the side and almost sending her snow cone to the sand. “that is one of the best ideas you’ve ever had,” he says. “i could use a new shirt for the show tonight.”

willie grabs his skateboard and tucks it under his arm, kisses alex on the cheek. “you two have fun. i’ll see you in a few hours, hot dog.”

alex’s eyes follow his boyfriend as he makes his way up the beach, says hi to someone he probably knows from the skating scene. he shakes his head in slow motion. “i hate when he goes, carrie, but i really love to watch him leave.”

carrie rolls her eyes and slaps her best friend on the arm. “you’re ridiculous,” she says. “did you steal that line from reggie? sounds like him.”

as the two of them walk off the beach and head towards a cluster of trendy boutiques, carrie pulls her phone out of her pocket. she pushes away the twinge of disappointment that pulses through her when she sees she has no new messages. she writes a short one to flynn, anyways: _i’m sorry, babe. have a good time with julie, see you tonight xo!!_

*

by the time flynn is on her way over, **julie** has worked herself into a complete frenzy. she had barely made it through breakfast, barely been able to hold a conversation with ray and carlos. she had seemed so unlike herself, apparently, that ray stood up, held the inside of his forearm against her forehead, checking for a fever. she’d texted luke, fingers shaking like she’d put them in the freezer for a while. luckily, her dad and brother had errands to run, so she had a few moments to spiral in peace.

“hey, jules,” flynn calls, letting herself inside. “hope you’re ready to hear about the morning i’ve had ‘cause momma needs to _vent_.” 

julie sits up from where she had flopped onto the couch, smooths down her shirt. “flynn, something weird is happening.”

flynn sits down next to her and lets out a huff of air. julie looks at her best friend, looks at her earrings and her sweater and her checkerboard bike shorts. rule forty-two in the handbook of flynn? she doesn’t repeat outfits within the same week, let alone the same couple of days. julie feels her center of gravity shift, like she could topple over with the tiniest breeze. she repeats the mantra she has been running through her head all morning: _you’ve already done this once, you will do it again, you will find a way to fix things._

“yeah, julie, you’re about to get on stage in front of a sold-out orpheum crowd. that’s pretty weird. do you wanna talk about it?”

julie shakes her head, stares at flynn like she’ll disappear during a blink. “not so much,” she says, putting as much regularity into her words as she can. “what about you? hit me.”

“okay, so, we were having breakfast. trevor made pancakes and it was _delicious_ but he said this thing about how it reminded him of us being young and how if you were there, it’d be just like that. carrie got all weird about it, as usual.” flynn pauses, takes a breath and rolls her eyes. “and then i told her i had to get going, and she just… ”

“lost it?” julie offers.

“something like that. she was all _julie didn’t even invite me_ and i was like, girl, did you invite her to your last show? no. so, she can’t even be mad. i know it’s her birthday… ”

julie’s eyes catch on the flecks of purple that she couldn’t get off of her arm no matter how hard she scrubbed and it’s like everything else around her fades away. she hears caleb’s voice, hears him laugh, remembers the way she felt when his magic wrapped itself around her like a python.

“julie, snap out of it!” 

she jumps and blinks a few times, sees how flynn is looking at her like she has three heads. 

“are you okay?” she asks.

“yeah, i’m great,” julie says. “just still can’t believe today is even happening. did she like her bracelet, at least?”

flynn sighs. “she went upstairs before i could give it to her and i didn’t want it to seem like i was trying to just fix things with a present. i left it on her mail table.” she shakes her head, checks her phone. “anyways, how’re the guys? did you tell luke you want to kiss him yet?”

julie laughs, the sound surprising her, and it’s like the weight of the entire situation is lifted, for just a moment. “even if i _did_ want to kiss him, it won’t be anytime before the show.” 

flynn raises an eyebrow in curiosity. 

“he hasn’t answered any of my texts yet,” julie explains.

“you know how he is, jules. he might not even be up yet.”

julie pulls out her phone, checks again for anything from luke, but her notifications are still empty. “dad had me tell him that he’s really proud of him. i thought it was sweet, so, i don’t know i hope when he does see it, it makes him smile or something.”

flynn smirks and leans closer, cups her hand around julie’s ear. “you like him and we all know it.”

before julie can think of a comeback, flynn’s phone _dings_ with an incoming text. she slides it out of her puppy-shaped purse and swipes at the screen. “it’s carrie,” she says, reads for a few more seconds. “she says she’s sorry and can’t wait to see me tonight. _aw_. i miss her.”

something pulls at julie’s heart. if she’s honest with herself, she misses carrie, too. she wishes flynn didn’t have to choose between them all of the time, wishes they could all three be together in a room without a heavy storm cloud hanging above their heads, ready to drench them in unresolved pettiness.

“maybe… ” she trails off, double checks her intentions. “maybe we could get a do-over, or at least a chance to talk, to make things better between us.”

flynn smiles, so big and bright, so perfectly _flynn_ that julie smiles, too.

“a do-over, i like that,” flynn says. 

for a second, julie considers it, considers telling her best friend what’s happening to her, to them. she rolls the words around in her mouth like marbles.

“me, too,” she says instead.

*

 **luke** hadn’t known where he would end up, just knew that he wanted to be out of their shitty apartment and away from anyone who would try to talk to him about his parents and his feelings, or talk to him about anything, really. after his shower, he’d pulled on his favorite flannel, had just about torn the couch apart looking for his wallet. reggie had left while he was showering, but luke didn’t want to be home in case he or alex came back so he’d grabbed his keys, slammed the door behind him.

he hadn’t planned to go to his house — well, his _parents'_ house — but that’s where he ends up. he looks out from between the trees, makes sure he’s still mostly hidden from view just in case. the windows into the living room are square in the center of his line of vision and he tilts his head, peers inside. he sees his mom, sitting in her favorite chair, working on whatever knitting project she’s sunk all of her time into. he can hear the clicking of the needles in his head, see the colors of yarn intertwine, turning into something one-of-kind.

a few minutes go by before he sees his dad, mitch, walking into the room with a book tucked under his arm, a cup of tea in his hand — earl grey, unbearably hot. he sits in the chair next to emily’s, looks at her. even at this distance, luke can see the pure adoration in his father’s eyes. he had stopped getting that look when he picked up his first guitar.

a tear rolls down his cheek and he wipes it off with the back of his hand, holds his middle fingers to the corners of his eyes to stop any more from spilling over. he glances at his parents one more time and takes a picture of the moment in his mind. under everything, under the hurt and the guilt and the anger, luke wants to save this memory: the last time he sees his parents before his life changes forever (because how could it not after the show they are going to put on later?).

he turns away, ducks under branches and makes his way out of the overgrowth. he looks at his phone to check the time and sees another text from julie: _WAKE UP SLEEPYHEAD!!! ignore that if you’re up but text me pleaseeeee i miss you_!

his stomach flutters at the last three words but he pushes the feeling aside, puts his phone away and walks a familiar route. the thing about julie is… well, there are a lot of things about julie. she’s beautiful, obviously, an incredible songwriter and an even better performer. she is all of these things that are apparent to anyone who meets her and those aspects alone are enough to make him crush on her but his feelings are so much _more_ than that, go beyond the limits of any crush he’s had before.

julie molina is brave. she is passionate and determined. sometimes, julie knows where luke’s mind is at before he does and he wonders if that kind of inherent _knowing_ is par for the course when you’re in a band with someone, when you write with someone, when they watch you put your vulnerabilities into words on a sheet of paper. he wonders, but when he’s honest with himself, luke knows that none of this is par for the course, knows that all of the things he loves about julie can’t be broken down into bite-sized servings of her best qualities because, well, he doesn’t want to know only the best of things about her.

luke is in love with julie, with the way she dreams bigger than he could ever manage, even if it means being disappointed in the end, but especially when her dreams come true and she hugs him without caution, wraps her arms around his waist and lays her head on his chest, the scent of her shampoo filling his nose. he is, undoubtedly, in love with julie molina. he thinks maybe he’s finally dreaming as big as she does when he wonders if she could ever love him back.

when he pulls himself out of his head, he realizes that he’s walked to the park where his parents always used to bring him when he was a kid. he pulls the sleeves of his flannel over his hands, walks over to a bench and sits down. the seat is damp, from lingering morning dew or maybe a toppled-over juicebox. he slouches down, crosses his arms over his chest and tilts his head up. it’s bright and his eyes try to close against the sun but he keeps them open, until all he can see is starbursts of white, the blue of the sky completely erased.

he sits on the bench for hours. families come and go, kids running around with parents chasing behind them, making sure they don’t stray too far. at one point, he dozes off, the warmth of the day lulling him into a fractured sleep, punctuated with childish screams and chastising moms telling their little ones to take turns on the swingset. when his head falls forward and he jolts awake, a little boy stands in front of him, eyes wide in curiosity.

“are you homeless?” he asks, bringing a string cheese to his mouth.

luke looks at the kid’s shirt, blue with a picture of a guitar on the front, some kind of slogan about rock and roll. he scoffs; as julie would say, it’s a sign. “no,” he says. “i’m in a band, i play guitar.” he points at the shirt and the kid looks down, points at the guitar, too. luke nods, says, “i gotta go play a concert.”

he checks his phone, swears when he sees the time. there are a few more texts from julie from throughout the afternoon: _helllllloooooooo earth to luke???_ and _are you okay please text me!_ and, the most recent, _what is going on luke seriously you better get your butt to the orpheum_ …

he scrolls back up, reads the message that started his whole day on the wrong foot. would ray be so proud if he could see luke now, shaken to his core from such a simple sentiment? he thinks about his dad, how mitch seemed so normal and at ease when luke saw him hours ago (luke wonders if that scene would have been different if he had left before he was eighteen. would ray and emily have sat and sipped tea or would they have tried to bring him home?). he thinks about ray, thinks about julie, thinks about how they lost rose and have bloomed out of their grief. his parents are right there, right down the road, and all he can do is watch them from behind a tree and hate himself for their mistakes.

he makes it to the park entrance before he lets himself cry, and the sobs keep him company the entire way to the orpheum. 

*

“wait, carrie, i gotta go,” **flynn** says. “something’s happening.” she ends the call and slides her phone away.

“hey, luke? where’s julie?”

“gone, i don’t know,” he says. “i messed up. she left.” she can barely hear him, his voice swallowed by the noise of the venue.

flynn takes off, jogging to the side of the stage. she almost trips on the stairs, she’s moving so fast. “what happened?” she asks, walking up to luke. his eyes are glossy and his hair sticks up in every direction. alex is on the other side of the stage, talking to willie, and his hands are worrying away at the hem of his t-shirt, pulling the thread out stitch by stitch.

“i was late, alex wasn’t focusing, we started fighting.” luke exhales and squats down, head in his hands. “reggie got upset and left… julie told us off and followed him.” he lets out something like a sob and coughs in an attempt to hide it.

flynn crouches down next to him and puts her hand on his back. “it’s okay,” she says. “i’ll go find julie and make sure she’s okay, and i’ll have alex and willie talk to reggie. alright?” 

luke nods and looks up, his face like an illustrated dictionary definition of broken. “i can’t lose this, flynn,” he says. she rubs his back, focuses on his eyes to let him know that she’s listening. “they’re my family and i can’t lose my family again. there are finally people who are proud of me and i… what if they regret that?”

flynn’s heart shatters. she doesn’t know everything about luke’s relationship with his parents, but what she does know, she wouldn’t wish on anyone. “you’re not going to lose them.”

as she walks away, his sobs hit her in the back like knives. she presses her lips into a line, determined. “luke!” she calls over her shoulder. “as your social media manager, there is no way in _hell_ i will be posting about the end of this band anytime soon.”

he laughs quietly, sniffles. “thanks, flynn.”

the first place she goes is the green room. it’s empty, no sign of julie, and flynn rests her palm on her forehead, like she can will herself to think faster. she runs her fingers through her braids and lets out a frustrated _augh!_ she pulls her phone back out, sees a few texts from carrie, all question marks and urgency, but nothing from julie. she types out a quick reply: _julie is mia, everyone’s fighting. idk if the show’s gonna happen. call you when i know wtf is up!_

she continues her search, finds the bathroom empty and the hallways quiet. she sees an orpheum employee and catches his arm. “hey,” she says, out of breath. “have you seen julie? of julie and the phantoms? really curly hair, my height?”

the guy nods and points towards a door, says he saw her go out of it. flynn thanks him and walks the short distance to the door, pulls it open. she’d started sweating in her frenzy and the fresh air was blessedly cool against her skin. she puts one foot outside. “jules? are you out here?”

she turns her head to the right and sees julie. she’s talking to someone but flynn doesn’t see anyone else in the alley and, even though her lips are moving, she can’t hear julie’s voice. it’s surreal, strange for a reason flynn can’t pinpoint. “julie?” she asks, more of a whisper than anything. 

out of nowhere, a cloud of purple surrounds julie and flynn’s vision goes blurry until all she can see is a jewel-toned silhouette of her best friend. she tries to call out, tries to ask what the hell is going on, but before she can find her voice, everything goes black.

**stop. rewind.**


	3. ...two...

**carrie** tries to push away the annoyance that is still poking at her mind. she hates when her dad brings up julie, hates that it still affects her as much as it does. she runs her finger through the whipped cream that is taking over her plate, turns to flynn and paints it across her cheekbone.

flynn laughs and grabs carrie’s hand, licks the rest of the whipped cream off of her finger. “there’s my girl,” she says, wiping the rest of the cream off with her napkin. she looks at carrie and it’s like she has hearts in her eyes; they have been dating for months but carrie still hasn’t gotten used to the way flynn looks at her, like she’s a masterpiece hanging in a museum and flynn is trying to take her all in.

“okay, so i was thinking, i don’t know, we just hang out, watch a movie? i know you’ll have to leave later but that won’t be for hours right?”

she knows she’s going to be disappointed when flynn’s face falls, just the tiniest bit, but carrie’s become a master of reading it, the ups and downs of her expressions. 

“i can stay for a while, it’s just… ” flynn lets her words disappear into nothing before finishing the thought. “i told julie i’d be over sooner rather than later. i’m sorry, care.”

“oh,” carrie says. her heart betrays her, sinks into her stomach, and she wishes she didn’t have to be having this conversation on _this_ day. “i just thought since it’s my birthday she might’ve understood.”

carrie slides down off of the tall breakfast bar chair and walks into the living room. she hears flynn walking behind her but picks up a blanket, starts to fold it, anything to occupy herself. 

“it’s not like she planned this whole situation like some kind of mastermind. you know i’ll be back tonight and we can do whatever you want.”

“i don’t know,” carrie says, letting her voice slide up into the next octave, like she’s on stage instead of with her girlfriend. “i think i might throw a party or something. i’m sure not everyone will be at julie’s little show.”

“real nice, carrie.”

she hears flynn’s phone go off, knows she’ll check it.

“actually, i have to go,” she says. her words are cautious, like she’s dancing around them, and carrie wants to take back everything nasty she’s ever said if it means she doesn’t have to hear flynn sound like that again.

“is everything okay?” she asks, meaning it. 

“it’s a 911 and jules doesn’t mess around with those… ”

carrie turns around then, walks to her girlfriend and puts her hand on flynn’s cheek, wipes away the tiniest speck of whipped cream still lingering there. “i’m sorry, flynn, really. i don’t want you to have to choose between me and her. i’ll see you after the show, right?”

“i don’t know, you might be too busy with your party,” flynn says. she smiles and brings her hand up to carrie’s, gives it a little squeeze, but carrie knows she’s upset.

“i’ll see you later,” she affirms. she leans forward and kisses flynn; it’s sweet, lingers, and she knows a kiss won’t make up for her mistakes but, damn, if she doesn’t try.

flynn picks up her bag and heads towards the door, yells goodbye to trevor. “happy birthday, carrie,” she says. carrie knows she means it. flynn pulls the door shut quietly behind her as she leaves and everything in carrie wants to follow her, wants to run after her and tell her to stay, but no matter how much flynn cares about her, she’ll always be the opening act to julie’s headlining show. 

for a few minutes, carrie pouts. then, in a second, she remembers who she is: carrie wilson, lead singer of dirty candi, the girl who can hide mountains underneath a fake smile and a wink. it’s her eighteenth birthday and, while her girlfriend may not be spending it with her, that doesn’t mean she has to be alone.

she pulls her phone out of her pocket and sees no less than seven texts from alex, all with various emojis and all-caps declarations. she hits the call button.

“carrie!” he answers. “happy birthday, best friend!” she hears willie echo the sentiment in the background.

“thanks, lexi,” she says, the nickname rolling off of her tongue like it’s all she’s ever known him as. “what are you guys doing?”

“we thought we might head over to the beach, get a snow cone. shouldn’t you be sucking face with flynn or something?”

“she left, julie sent a 911 and, well, yeah. no flynn, not even a present.”

“i’m sorry, care bear,” alex says. she hears rustling, like alex pressed the phone against his shirt, hears his voice saying something to willie. “come to the beach with us! we’ll get you a pink lemonade cone, my treat.”

“actually,” she says, tapping her nails against the back of her phone. “we’re going shopping. new concert outfit is _my_ treat... well, my dad’s. i’ll meet you at the skatepark, okay?”

*

 **flynn** lets herself into julie’s house like she usually does, wipes her shoes on the mat. “hey, jules,” she calls. “what’s going on?” she hears a muffled response from the couch and heads that way, sees julie face down in the pillows. flynn pokes her in the back, shrugs, sits on top of her legs. 

"i sense a crisis,” she says.

julie stifles a laugh and says something that flynn thinks is _move_. she does, stands up, and julie flips over and pulls her knees up to her chest. 

“you’re going to think i’m crazy, flynn.”

flynn sits back down and reaches a hand out, pats julie’s knee. “isn’t everyone?” she asks. julie sighs and looks down, rubs her hand over her arm. flynn sees freckles of purple against her skin, shimmering as they hit the light. 

“i made a deal with someone and i don’t know how to fix it,” julie says eventually. 

“okay… i’m going to need some more details, jules.”

she runs through the possibilities in her head. did she make a deal with carlos about whether or not she’d cry after the show? she’d definitely lose that one. or maybe she and luke bet a kiss on if they’d get any record deal offers out of the gig, even though that one is definitely (maybe, probably) just flynn projecting; they need to get that chemistry sorted out already. anything she can think of, though, is nothing compared to what julie says next. 

“do you remember the stories my mom would tell us about that guy, caleb covington?” julie asks.

“the weirdo in the cape and hat? uh, yeah, why?”

“just listen to me and don’t say anything right away, okay?”

flynn nods, motions for julie to go on.

“we’re supposed to play the orpheum tonight, right? that doesn’t happen. i know because… this is the third time i'm living this day.”

flynn’s mouth drops and she makes a sound of protest, but julie holds up a hand.

“i made a deal with caleb. he showed up in an alley at the orpheum and told me that he could help me fix things. he gave me seven chances, seven do-overs of _today_ , and if i don’t fix things then i just have to deal with the consequences. he blew this purple smoke at me and it sent me back to the morning, to _this_ morning. look, i have some on my arm and it won’t come off no matter how hard i scrub at it.”

she stops talking and looks at flynn, her face blank, like she put up a shield in preparation for whatever flynn says next. 

“okay… ” flynn says, drawing out the word to fill the empty air. “say this is actually happening and we’re doing the same day over and over. what went so wrong that you had to make a deal with _caleb covington_?”

julie takes a deep breath and holds her curls back from her face with both hands. “technically, they haven’t gone wrong _yet_ , but things just go haywire at soundcheck. luke is late and he and alex get into it, which makes reggie walk out because the fighting makes him upset. i go to get some fresh air and caleb just… appears. and now, here we are.”

flynn grabs julie’s arm and runs her fingers over the purple shimmer. she licks her thumb and rubs at it, but it’s like a birthmark, like it’s been on julie forever.

“thanks for trying but it’s stuck,” julie says. “and wipe your spit off of me.”

she does, watches the way little gold flecks seem to pop out of the purple as julie’s skin shifts under her fingers. the colors seem to unlock something in flynn’s memory, but she can’t narrow it down; it’s like everything is covered in static.

“wait, you said he blew smoke at you, right?” she asks. “and that it was in the alley?”

“yeah, why?” julie tilts her head, her curls falling to the side.

“i just… i’m not sure but i feel like i’ve seen that happening, like i’ve seen you be surrounded by fog or something. maybe i’m just making it up because of what you’re saying but, i don’t know, if you ran off the stage, then i’d definitely come and look for you, right? what if i saw you out there with him?”

“yeah, i guess you could have. i was so wrapped up in what was going on, i didn’t notice anything else.”

“you didn’t tell me what the deal was, like, exactly. your mom always said there was a price to pay?”

julie sighs and hesitates, looks like she doesn’t want to say but takes a breath and starts to talk. “he gave me seven chances, seven do-overs, and if i fix things and get us to the show without falling apart then everything goes on like it should. if we run out of time, we live with the consequences of whatever is happening on that last do-over. the price is… my voice, flynn. i don’t have my voice inside of the time loop and if i fail, my voice will be gone forever.”

flynn blinks a few times before answering, making sure she’s heard correctly. “your _voice_ , like ursula and ariel? julie, you’ve been talking this whole time, you have your voice.”

“no, my _singing_ voice. i can’t sing, i’ve tried and i can’t. i have to get us out of this. i can’t lose my music for good. you know what it was like when my mom died… if i fail and can never sing again? what happens then? the guys keep going without me and i have to give up everything i’ve worked so hard for? that’d be a horrible kind of grief, flynn, to have to sit back and just watch it all happen.”

julie’s eyes are filled with tears and flynn wishes she could take this burden on herself, wishes julie could have nothing else to worry about but what shoes she was going to wear on stage.

“okay, jules, it’s not going to be like that. i’m still not completely — ” she waves her hand around, like she’s searching for an idea in the air — “ _okay_ with this whole idea, but you’re my best friend and i believe you.”

“you do?” julie asks, her voice on the edge of breaking.

flynn grabs her hands and looks her in the eyes. she brings her voice down to a whisper. “it’s either that or you can see the future, which would actually be kind of cool, right?”

julie laughs a little, wipes her nose on the back of her hand. “we have five more chances to get this right, flynn. we have to make sure luke isn’t late, we can’t let anyone fight at soundcheck, we have to figure out you and carrie — ”

“woah, woah, woah,” flynn says, cutting her off. “what do carrie and i have to do with this?”

“i don’t know,” julie admits. “maybe nothing, but i’m part of the reason why you two keep having arguments and since i have the chance to fix it, shouldn’t we at least try? of course i want the band to make it through okay but... my best friend deserves to be happy, too, and i’ll never forgive myself if you’re not because of a conversation i can’t have.”

flynn’s heart flutters and she feels an unexpected sting in her eyes. “yeah, okay,” she says. “i would love that. but, julie, if you aren’t ready, you don’t have to do that for me.”

julie smiles, the way she does when she is at her most vulnerable. “i don’t know if i’ll ever be ready, flynn. you know better than anyone how badly it hurt when she changed and _i_ know you wouldn’t be with her if things weren’t different now, but… it was harder for me, with mom and everything. so, yeah, i’ll try for you, but i’m not promising it’s going to be all butterflies and glitter right away.”

flynn nods, knows that whatever is going on is completely absurd, that it violates every rule of reality she’s ever been taught. but she remembers the way rose told them both stories of some magical man, like she knew him once, like maybe she had her own experience making a deal with the devil. flynn looks at her best friend, thinks about never hearing her sing again, and promises herself that she will do everything she can to avoid that fate.

“okay,” she says. “so here’s what we do… ”

*****

between carrie’s birthday and their show at the orpheum, **alex** expected the day to be interesting. he didn’t, however, expect to be treated to a whole new outfit on carrie’s dad’s dime, nor did he expect julie to be acting so strange.

“it’s like, i don’t know, just the way she typed it,” he says, showing willie the text on his phone. he reads it out loud again: “what? yeah, no, everything’s fine. just, you know, can’t decide what to do with my hair. lol, smiley face, crying face, kissy face.”

“i don’t know, alex,” willie says. “just sounds like girl stuff to me.”

alex laughs and kisses the top of willie’s head. they’re at the boys’ apartment, lounging on the couch before they have to head to the orpheum. “yeah, maybe you’re right. i just think she’s leaving something out. look, julie and carrie have their problems but julie would have known that flynn was spending the morning there and she wouldn’t send flynn a 911 unless she really meant it. it has to be something else.” 

“maybe she and luke finally told each other how they feel and it didn’t go well?” willie suggests, running his fingers up and down alex’s arm where it’s slung across his chest.

alex laughs, almost snorts. “they obviously are in love with each other so when that conversation _does_ happen? it’ll be a relief for all of us to finally get that tension out of the room.”

“touché,” willie says. 

“i’m probably overthinking it. i just want tonight to be the best show ever.”

willie sits up and slides next to alex. “it’s gonna be awesome, dude. you guys kill it every time, i really don’t think tonight will be any different.”

“i’m just glad you’re going to be there,” he says.

willie grins and playfully punches alex on the shoulder. “wouldn’t miss it. i’m gonna be filming every second.”

“oh, so now you won’t be able to make fun of me for all of the videos i have of you? yeah, inviting you was the best idea i ever had.”

he laughs and throws his arm around willie’s neck, pulls him closer. he lets his mind wander, sees them on stage, sees the crowd cheering them on. tonight has the potential to change their lives forever, one way or another. he knows one thing for sure: later, when he’s playing incredible songs with his best friends, when his boyfriend is watching him and cheering him on, he’ll never want tomorrow to come.

*

as soon as **luke** walks onto the orpheum’s stage for soundcheck, he knows it isn’t going to end well. he picks up his guitar and walks to his mic; the others stop playing and he can feel their eyes burning into him, but he avoids looking around, keeps his eyes trained on the soundbooth as he checks his mic.

“not even an apology?” julie asks. “i was worried about you.”

he looks at her then, and he knows that she’ll notice the hurt in his eyes, maybe even the stinging flush to his cheeks from wiping away tears with the cuff of his flannel.

“i’m here,” he says. “let’s just finish.”

julie shakes her head and the motion cuts into him. he knows that he didn’t have to be so cold but he can’t seem to shake the rest of the day away and move on, now that it has its teeth deep into his mind. she starts playing and he follows suit. julie’s vocal entrance comes and goes and she doesn’t start singing. luke looks over at her and she’s smiling, mouthing the lyrics into the mic. he raises an eyebrow in question and she gestures to her throat, gives him a thumbs-down.

in the final bars of the song, alex’s drumming turns into something absurd, a cacophony of cymbals thrashing and off-beat _thud_ s from the bass drum. after a few seconds, julie tells them to stop; luke obliges, adjusts the angle of his mic. alex keeps going and luke turns around, sees him grinning like a fool towards the side of the stage. luke follows his eyes and finds the culprit: willie.

“dude, chill,” he says into his mic. “alex! cut it out!” his voice radiates throughout the nearly-empty venue.

he does, after a beat, pulls his gaze away from willie and back towards the front of the stage. “what’s up?” he asks. “we sounded great, why’d you stop?”

luke rolls his eyes. “oh, you could actually hear us over the cheering your boyfriend was doing?”

he hears julie say, “let’s just do the next song,” but doesn’t give it a second thought.

alex tilts his head, uses one drumstick to point at willie, the other, luke. “you mean my boyfriend who was actually here on time, luke? the one who can read a clock?” annoyance drips from his voice like honey with the sugar sapped out.

“okay, and? i showed up, didn’t i, bro? it has nothing to do with you.”

he takes a few steps towards the back of the stage and jumps up on the riser, puts steel into his stare.

“actually, it does have to do with us since we’re, you know, a _band_. but, hey, it has nothing to do with you if i want to impress willie!” alex stands up and leans over the drumkit towards luke.

luke hears reggie behind him, hears him say, “jeez guys, let’s just chill out, okay?” luke knows that voice, knows the tremors in it that reggie is trying to hide, but alex has him all riled up and he’s still thinking about seeing his parents and he just _can’t_ put on a front right now.

he turns back towards julie and reggie, spreads his arms out like he’s inviting their scorn. “would you rather play with someone who was a few minutes late or someone who can’t keep his focus on the music? and, jules, you just weren’t going to fill me in on the fact that you’re sick?”

julie stares at him, blinks once, before she stands up from her keyboard and takes out her in-ear monitor. “i guess that’s another thing you would know if you were on time. this band isn’t all about you, luke. people depend on you, people are _proud_ of you. do you want to let them down?”

“so what?” he asks, taking his guitar off and putting it on the rack. “so what if _ray_ isn’t proud of me anymore? it wouldn’t be the first time i’m a disappointment.”

he watches as julie’s face goes blank, until she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. when she opens them again, her eyes flick to the side and she nods slightly; luke turns and sees reggie walking backstage.

“where’s _he_ going?” alex asks. 

“you both know how he feels about fighting,” julie says. “i’ll go talk to him.”

luke watches as julie leaves the stage. he hears alex rummaging around behind him, hears him leave the riser and walk over to willie. “i didn’t get you in trouble, did i?” he hears willie ask. 

he walks to the front of the stage, where they’d stand to take their final bow. he imagines the room full, the crowd cheering for them. he feels julie’s hand in his, the way it always is when they end a show, and he wishes he could take back everything that just happened. he wishes he could start over. 

he sees flynn in the VIP pit, watching him. her face is a mix of confused and excited, and he wonders what could possibly be exciting about what just happened. “say what you wanna say, flynn,” he calls.

she shrugs, holds her hands up. the last thing luke sees before the lights go out is flynn, walking away, a trail of purple smoke following behind her.

**stop. rewind.**


	4. ...three...

she feels the morning sun on her face before she opens her eyes. **julie** tries to relax for a while longer, but her mind is instantly racing; it’s her third chance, her third opportunity to make things go smoothly and she has no idea where to begin. she doesn’t know how to stop luke from being late, and the prospect of getting carrie to actually have a conversation with her seems impossible. 

a cupboard door shuts downstairs and she smiles at the familiarity. even if she isn’t sure _how_ she’s going to change things, she knows she has to, but she’s decided to keep her breakfast routine relatively the same. she finds normalcy in sitting down to eat with her dad and brother, finds their presence to be grounding, comforting. 

she also finds comfort in reggie’s text, that comes each do-over at the same time: _it’s the day of the show!!! rise and shine_ , with his two favorite emojis for her, a microphone and shining sun. as she has three times before, she replies, tells him that she’s so excited to see him. on the _real_ show day, and in the two previous replays of it, reggie has never been a problem, so she is confident that her message isn’t the reason behind the disastrous soundcheck. 

“julie, are you up?” ray asks, at the same time and with the same intonation in his voice as always. 

she stretches and sits up, puts on her slippers and examines the purple speckles on her forearm, still shimmering ever so slightly. “i’ll be right down!”

at the breakfast table, she waits for ray to ask about the guys. despite everything that she knows about how the rest of the day goes, and despite the fact that luke is at the heart of the soundcheck fiasco, it always sets the butterflies in her stomach free when her dad mentions, in one way or another, the guitarist’s feelings for julie. 

she’s not sure when she realized that she cared about him as more than just a friend and bandmate. it just happened, out of the blue, like she had never _really_ seen him, and then, in an instant, she looked at him and _knew_. she remembers before, when they’d only been a band for a couple of months, when luke would look at her and she’d feel nothing but the urge to roll her eyes at him. now, in the after, she stills want to roll her eyes at him, but she also wants to put her hands on his cheeks and pull him to her and kiss his goofy smile right off of his face.

it’s obvious, she knows that, but there’s an excitement in the build-up, the tension between them growing so taut that it’s only a matter of time before it just… snaps, unraveling into whatever their future might hold.

she pulls out her phone, sends luke the same text she has three times before, the one she’s memorized: _GOOD MORNING LUKE! my dad wanted me to tell you that he is very, very, very, extra super duper PROUD of you and we are going to kill it tonight. see you soon!_

after a minute, she gets a message. it’s not from luke, not yet, even though she wishes it was. it’s flynn, all caps and accompanied with too many smiling emojis: _DOUBLE TROUBLE IS ON THE CASE! CALEB COVINGTON’S GOT NOTHING ON US!!!!_

the relief that julie feels is instant. with flynn on her side, there’s no way they’ll fail.

*

“hey, jules?” **flynn** calls as she lets herself into the molina house. she looks towards the couch where she had sat as she found out about julie’s deal with caleb covington, but julie isn’t there. 

“in my room!” julie calls back. 

flynn heads towards the staircase and goes upstairs. after yesterday’s — no, _today’s —_ conversation about how they were currently living in a time loop, flynn wasn’t sure if she would remember the situation once the day reset. even at soundcheck, when she had watched as luke stood alone on the stage, she was ready for the knowledge to be taken from her when it all faded to black. 

to her surprise, and much to her relief, she woke up and the information came rushing back.

“okay, i know we want to figure this out as soon as possible,” she says, walking into julie’s room. “but this cannot be the last re-do.”

she flops onto the bed, exhales sharply as julie’s phone meets her ribs at an angle. she plucks it out from under her and sets it back down further away.

“what did you do?” julie asks.

flynn huffs and rolls over, stares at the ceiling. “i asked carrie to come over here with me,” she says. “she said no because she didn’t want to be pushed to the side while you and i, and i quote, whisper in a corner.”

the bed shifts and flynn turns her head, sees julie crossing her legs, putting her elbows on her thighs and resting her chin on her fists. “is that it?”

“no,” flynn says. she closes her eyes and sighs. “i could see it in her eyes that she wanted to say yes. i don’t know how to explain it but she’s my girlfriend and i just _know_. so i got annoyed and said something about how i didn’t want to waste time fighting about it because she wouldn’t even remember that it happened.”

julie laughs and flynn opens her eyes again, looks at her best friend. “is it really that funny?”

“we have nothing worked out, flynn,” julie says. “don’t worry, you’ll get another chance.”

flynn sits up and crosses her legs to mirror julie. “okay, so first things first, we _have_ to find out what’s going on with luke.”

julie covers her face with her hands. “i know,” she says. “if we can just make sure he gets to the orpheum on time… but what do we do? stalk him?”

“i have the perfect outfit for a stakeout!” flynn laughs and picks up juile’s phone. “seriously, though, i had an idea, but… ”

“but what?” julie asks, straightening back up and tucking her hair behind her ears.

“it was something luke said at soundcheck. did you say anything to him or text him something that he could have taken the wrong way?”

julie thinks for a second. “i don’t know,” she says, shaking her head a little. “i mean, we didn’t really _talk_ in any of the do-overs or on the day i made the deal. i texted him to ask him where he was a bunch of times, told him i was excited for the show and to see him. oh, and my dad wanted me to tell him that he’s really proud of him.” she shrugs.

flynn considers what julie said, connects the dots between that and what she heard luke say at soundcheck. all at once, it falls into place.

“jules, that’s it!” she says. julie looks at her and widens her eyes in question, furrows her brow.

“it’s what luke said last night — ”

“technically, it’s what he says _tonight_ ,” julie says, cutting her off.

“okay, whatever,” she continues. “right before reggie left, luke said something about ray not being proud of him anymore. do you remember?”

she watches as julie’s expression shifts from confusion to realization, her mouth opening in a quiet gasp. “and that it wouldn’t be the first time he was a disappointment.”

“exactly!” flynn exclaims. “what if you saying that ray is proud of him, i don’t know, makes him upset enough to go out and get distracted and be late?”

julie shakes her head. “i don’t know, flynn,” she says. “he gets _really_ upset.”

“think about it, julie. if i told you that my mom was proud of you, wouldn’t you just automatically think about rose and how she _can’t_ tell you that? luke’s parents haven’t reached out to him at all. i can’t imagine how much that hurts! they’re minutes away, and _alive_ , and they can’t get over themselves long enough to realize that they pushed luke completely away.”

“he has told me that he only ever felt like he was disappointing his parents… ” julie trails off, twists a curl around her finger. after a few seconds, she brightens up and snaps her fingers. “you’re a genius, flynn!”

flynn rolls her eyes, smiles and pushes some braids over her shoulder. “i know,” she says. “but i’d feel even more like one if we can make him show up on time _today_. that’d be one thing to check off of our list.”

julie leans over and takes her phone from where it was still resting in flynn’s hand. “a text caused this situation, so maybe another one can help fix it… what do i say?”

“i think there’s a lot that you’ve been wanting to say to him,” flynn says, narrowing her eyes at julie. “just… do what feels right, but maybe avoid the part about being trapped in a horrible no-singing-allowed cycle of your own making.”

julie chews on her lip a little. “okay, maybe something like… ” she trails off, types for a while. “i can’t believe i’m sending this,” she says, laughing.

“hey, we already know we have more chances,” flynn says, her voice soft. “this is just the dress rehearsal for when you actually talk to him about your feelings.”

a few minutes go by before julie’s phone vibrates with a new text notification. she looks at flynn before picking her phone back up and flynn nods in encouragement. julie reads for a few seconds before she says anything.

“i think it worked. he wants me to come to a park with him.”

“oh my gosh,” flynn says, smiling and pulling julie into an awkward cross-legged hug. “i’ll stay here and pick out the perfect outfit for the show… and then i’ll do it again _tomorrow_ ” — she uses her fingers to hang quotation marks around the word — “but for now, my girl’s got a date!”

julie groans and stands up, tucks her phone into her pocket. “it’s not a date, flynn.”

“whatever you say, jules,” flynn says. she stretches out on the bed, rests her head on the pillows. “have fun.”

*

sticky syrup runs down **carrie** ’s hand, the pink lemonade snow cone turning into nothing but a pile of stubborn discolored slush that won’t melt come spring. she watches the waves of the ocean in the distance, watches some kids play, orange inflatable floaties on their arms. she watches, until a hand waves in front of her eyes and snaps her out of her trance.

“carrie, are you okay?” alex asks. he plucks the soggy paper cone out of her hand. “you look like your dad just told you you can’t hire a new choreographer.”

she wipes her hand on the bench they are sitting on, shakes her head to get out of her thoughts. “yeah,” she says. “it was just a weird morning.”

willie leans forward and looks towards carrie. “flynn went wild with the present, then?” he asks, smirking.

his words drag carrie out of her stupor and she reaches across alex and slaps willie on the knee. “you two really bring out the worst in each other,” she says, laughing. 

“hey,” alex says. he sticks out his lower lip and tilts his head, giving carrie his best puppy-dog eyes. “be nice to us.”

carrie laughs and crosses her legs, slides her sunglasses to the top of her head. “she asked me if i wanted to go over to julie’s with her.”

“what’d you say?” alex asks. 

“dude, she’s here with us, what do you _think_ she said?”

“your boyfriend’s pretty wise, lexi,” carrie says. “i told her no, but that’s when it got weird. she said she didn’t want to waste time fighting over it because i wasn’t going to remember it tomorrow anyways?”

alex and willie share a look. “maybe she just meant if you end up throwing a party tonight and, you know, if you go into a sugar coma or something… ”

“okay, that’s the last time i ever call willie _wise_. i’m surrounded by idiots,” carrie says. she stands up and stretches her arms over her head, takes the barely-staying-together snow cone wrappers out of alex’s grasp and throws them into the trash can next to the bench. 

alex sighs and stands up, too. “why did you say no to going to julie’s with her?”

“what was i supposed to do? show up and have julie give me the cold shoulder the whole time?”

“come on, care,” alex says. “isn’t it about time this all got figured out?”

“i mean, for flynn’s sake, yeah,” carrie says, shrugging. “she shouldn’t have to be in the middle.”

“no.” alex puts his hands on carrie’s shoulders. “i know she’s your girlfriend but don’t think about flynn right now. don’t you want to fix this for _yourself_?”

 _yes_ , carrie wants to say. yes, she wants to fix things, of course she does, and she wonders if that makes her selfish; after all, she’s probably ninety percent of the reason they’re in this mess to begin with. it was her fault that she let her new, shiny, in-a-girl-group persona cloud the person she really was, and it was her fault that she chose to stay away when julie’s mom died. 

flynn had seen through her barrier, had popped the pink bubble that carrie had tucked herself into, and carrie had let her. a few years ago, before everything changed, carrie had thought that she could eventually have it all: the girl, the music, the friend group that would make anyone jealous. she has those things, she has flynn and dirty candi and alex and willie, but she can’t keep ignoring the julie-shaped piece of her that she ripped out of her own accord.

“of course i do,” she says. “i miss her all of the time but i was horrible to her, alex. i’m so lucky that flynn was able to forgive me but julie? rose died and i wasn’t there. how do i apologize for that?”

“i don’t think flynn would be asking you to go to julie’s if she was completely against the idea. what is there to lose, carrie? seriously, it can only get better.”

carrie thinks about it; she knows he’s right and tells him so.

“well, obviously,” he says. “and think about it, if you and julie are friends again, you can actually come hang out with the band!”

carrie laughs and leans into alex, puts her head on his chest. “i wish i could go back and tell flynn i’d go with her,” she says, her voice muffled against his shirt.

“no such thing as going back, care bear. you gotta move on.”

*

he’s not sure when it will sink in, but **alex** still can’t believe he’s on stage at the orpheum. it’s only soundcheck and his heart is already racing, nervous energy slinking through his body like a fox through the woods.

he scans the stage, watches reggie tune his bass, watches luke and julie flirt with each other like no one else is in the room. alex hopes that tonight is the night they can finally get over themselves and admit that they’re desperately, maddeningly in love with each other. luke pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to julie: a throat lozenge. julie had told them in the greenroom that her throat was a little scratchy, so she’d leave the singing to them during soundcheck. luke’s been doting on her ever since.

he looks to his right and finds willie, who gives him two thumbs up and the cheesiest of grins. alex spins a drumstick with a couple of fingers and waves. it’s showing off, even if he wouldn’t admit to that. 

“okay, everyone ready?” julie asks.

alex turns his attention back to the band and watches luke walk backwards to his spot. he almost trips over a cord and alex stifles a laugh. when luke makes it to his microphone, he says, “ready as i’ll ever be, boss,” and alex shakes his head, turns to willie and mimes gagging. julie plays the opening notes and alex hears reggie singing in her place. willie pulls out his phone and fumbles with it for a second, before holding it in front of him, aiming it to frame alex perfectly. 

alex watches him, the way his fingers hold the phone so gracefully, how those same fingers feel when they’re tickling his calf, when they’re resting on his cheek. he misses his cue, pulls his focus back towards the song and jumps in before anyone glares at him. it’s just soundcheck, he thinks, and soundcheck isn’t the show; besides, the stars are on the front of the stage, not behind a drum kit.

they get to the bridge and alex has fallen into the groove, sticks flying over the snare, the tom, the crash cymbal. he knows willie is filming, knows he is seeing him from a vantage point he hasn’t before, and alex takes the opportunity to shine. he puts flourishes into his performance, twirls his sticks before bringing them back down. he turns his head towards willie, smiles at him, and willie opens his mouth in a cheer that’s swallowed by the music. 

alex keeps going, puts everything he has into what he’s playing, and it takes him a few seconds to notice that the rest of the band has stopped. “alex!” he hears luke yell. “cut it out!”

he does, after a few beats more, and feels the vibrations of his impromptu solo through his core. “why’d we stop?” he asks. “i thought we sounded great.”

“dude, you went rogue,” luke says. “what even was that?”

alex feels the prickle of irritation crawl up his arms. “sorry, i forgot i’m just the drummer. i don’t get to do anything fun.”

“seriously, alex?” julie asks. he looks over at her just in time to catch the tail-end of one of her signature eye rolls, though they were usually reserved for luke. “you’re a great drummer, and you’re just as important as the rest of us. he just meant you got distracted and went a little — ”

“out of control,” luke says, finishing julie’s sentence.

“it’s soundcheck, luke, we don’t have to be perfect,” alex says. “julie’s not singing and you’re not yelling at her.”

luke huffs and crosses his arms over his chest. “she might be getting sick, bro, i don’t see you up there with a sprained elbow or something. besides, it’s not about being perfect, it’s about focusing and making sure everything is tight for later.”

“oh, so i’m not focusing?”

“it looks a lot like you’re showing off for your boyfriend to me.”

alex’s fists tighten around his drumsticks. he doesn’t like fighting, and even though he’s not sure he would call this a _fight_ , necessarily, it’s enough to put heavy marbles of anxiety in his stomach.

“i asked julie if he could be here and she said yes,” he says. he tries to hide the quiver in his voice.

“but we still have jobs to do, alex,” julie says. she’s walked to the edge of the riser without him noticing. 

“i don’t get it,” he says. “you and luke can add whatever riffs or variations you guys want, but i do it and i get scolded?”

he looks towards willie again. he’s stopped filming, and his arms are wrapped around his body like he’s holding himself back.

“it’s not like that,” luke says. he and reggie are next to the riser now, too, the three spread out in a line like alex’s jury of peers.

“yeah, man,” reggie says. “we just want to make sure soundcheck goes smoothly, you know? it’s a huge night for us and we said we didn’t want to have any distractions… ” he trails off, eyes darting towards the side of the stage where willie stands.

“he isn’t a distraction!” alex exclaims. he takes a deep breath, exhales slowly. he sees his sticks shake in his grip, hears his heartbeat like it’s behind a megaphone. “...okay. i need a minute.”

he stands up and puts his sticks on the snare drum, steps off of the riser and walks towards willie. he hears luke, reggie, and julie talking behind him, but he doesn’t try to hear their words. he’d wanted tonight to be amazing, to be perfect, and he had been looking forward to spending it with willie _and_ his friends since the moment they booked the show. 

willie puts his hand on alex’s shoulder and squeezes, says, “i’m sorry if i got you in trouble.”

alex shakes his head. “i think we’re all on edge,” he says. “i’m not the only anxious one tonight, right?” he tries to turn it into something lighthearted, but doesn’t think willie buys it. 

“for what it’s worth,” willie stretches taller and kisses alex’s cheek. “i thought you were doing amazing, sweetie.”

alex laughs, puts his arm around willie’s waist. “i’ll never forgive carrie for showing you the kardashians,” he says. “i better get back out there.”

everything gets dark before he can take his first step.

**stop. rewind.**


	5. ...four times

as he stretches his arms above his head, points his toes towards the end of his bed and makes them crack, **luke** considers the day he’s about to have. when they’d booked the show at the orpheum, it had seemed surreal, like a mirage that would always be just out of their grasp. now, on the day he had counted down to, he’s reached water in the desert. in only a matter of hours, he would be on stage with his best friends, with _julie_ , playing in front of a crowd that could maybe, just maybe, include someone who would be able to change their lives.

luke gets out of bed, rubs his eyes as he walks into the tiny kitchen. reggie is up, watching tv and slurping milk out of a cereal bowl. the sound is like nails on a chalkboard to luke. he fills a glass with tap water and heads to the couch, shifts to try and find a comfortable spot, one not yet completely devoid of cushion.

“hey, reg,” he says. “first thing we do when we make it big after tonight?”

reggie looks up from his bowl and grins. “get a puppy.”

luke stares at him and reggie blushes, shrugs. “a hamster, then?”

“we’re gonna get a new couch, you dork,” luke says.

reggie snaps and points at luke, says, “yeah, your idea is better.”

luke chugs half of his water in one go, wipes away a few drops that are clinging to his chin. “dude, can you believe it? the _orpheum_. are we having one of those shared dreams flynn told us about before?”

reggie reaches over and pinches luke’s arm. “what the hell, reg!”

“hey,” reggie says, laughing. “just making sure we’re not still asleep.”

luke finishes his water in another long pull and stands up, ruffles reggie’s hair. “i’m gonna shower. have fun watching your soaps,” he says.

he walks away, but reggie huffs in annoyance, calls out, “blame your girlfriend for getting me hooked on them!” usually, luke would correct him, would say that julie isn’t his girlfriend, but he’s feeling different today, feeling like anything could happen and like he’s on the verge of amazing things in more ways than one, so he lets it slide.

back in his room, he grabs his phone off of his bedside table. there’s a text from julie and luke only has to see her contact name to start smiling. he opens the message and reads it once and then another couple of times: _GOOD MORNING LUKE! i can’t wait to share tonight with YOU… dad says hi, see you soon!!!_

he gets an idea. julie said she can’t wait to share the night with _him_ but the show is all of theirs, alex and reggie’s, too, and luke thinks that maybe it’s time to cut the string that’s been held taut between him and julie for so long, thinks that maybe today will change them beyond their music. he texts her back before he can overthink it: _hi ray.. jules wanna come to a park with me & chill? _

he paces around his bed while he waits for her to answer. when she does, he stares at his phone like it’s going to disappear, too nervous to pick it up. he thinks that it’s fitting that only julie can make him feel this way, that he can get on a stage and feel as comfortable as ever but that a girl, _this_ girl, can burn him down to a pile of ash, can turn his steady confidence into an _i’ll-do-anything-you-ask-me-to_ devotion.

after a few more minutes, he looks: _i’d love to… flynn is bringing carrie over to try to talk. AHHHH after that?_

he feels an unexpected burst of something spread through him, pride or fear or solidarity, and wishes he could be there with her, wishes he could sit right next to her and protect her from whatever past pain she will dig up and confront. he shakes his head at the thought; julie molina doesn’t need his protection and that’s one of the reasons why he loves her, because he knows everything she has been through has made her more capable than he could ever imagine being himself. she is a force to be reckoned with.

he sends her one more text: _good luck w that convo but carrie might need it more lol. proud of you, boss_

he throws his phone onto his bed and pulls his shirt over his head with one hand. he’s been up for less than thirty minutes but luke already knows that today is going to be a day he will wish he could re-live, wish he could wear out like a vhs tape rewound one too many times.

*

 **carrie** should have known that her definition of a surprise does not match that of her girlfriend. when flynn had told her that she had something extra special waiting for her at the end of a brief, blindfolded car ride, carrie had expected balloons, eighteen gifts to celebrate every year of her life, or maybe a shopping spree at her favorite store. she had not, by any stretch of the imagination, expected to be on julie’s front porch.

“you have to be joking, flynn,” she says, as they wait for julie to answer the door. 

flynn keeps her arm firmly around carrie’s shoulders, like she’s trying to hold her in place, keep her from turning around and running away. carrie isn’t sure she still won’t try. 

“you’re not as convincing as you think, care,” flynn says. “you try to hide it, but i’m your girlfriend, and i know you miss julie and regret how things went down. i didn’t know how else to get you here.”

“so you chose my birthday?” carrie thinks if rolling her eyes had a sound, her voice captures it perfectly in the words.

flynn turns to look at carrie, eyes twinkling with something like mischief. carrie thinks she sees something mysterious in them, too, something hidden to which she hasn’t yet been invited. when the sun catches her irises just right, they glint with purple and gold. 

“you already got your present,” flynn says, using her free hand to touch the bracelet on carrie’s wrist. it’s dainty, tiny gold links chained together, a lollipop charm swirled with pink crystals dangling from it. “you’ll thank me for bringing you here eventually, i know you will, and we still have tonight… ”

before carrie can answer, the door swings open, julie standing behind it. “hey, guys!” she says. she hugs flynn and turns towards carrie, smiles at her hesitantly, like she’s not sure if carrie will have a snarky comeback or not. “thanks for coming over.”

carrie nods and bites her tongue. even if she had never admitted it, flynn was right: she missed julie. now that she’s standing right in front of her, though, she is terrified, wants to turn on her bubblegum pink persona and leave the past locked away.

julie walks away and flynn starts to follow, but turns back to carrie and takes her hand. “it’s just talking, right? you’re good at that. jules is ready and i know you are, too. i’m right here.”

“yeah,” carrie says. “don’t go anywhere, either.”

flynn smiles and pulls carrie into the house, shuts the door behind them. 

the three of them spend a few quiet minutes on the couch before flynn breaks the silence and says, “carrie, i know you’ve been wanting to say some things to julie.”

she looks at her girlfriend, flynn’s eyes pleading with her to say something, to at least try and explain her side. 

“you don’t have to answer if you don’t want, julie,” carrie says, eyes towards the floor. “i know there’s nothing i can say that will take back everything i did and i don’t expect you to be okay with it after one conversation.”

she takes a deep breath and looks at julie. her face is blank, stoic, and carrie recognizes the mask that julie has put up; she’s worn it herself far too many times.

“i wanted to have it all. i’m selfish that way, i guess. i took you and flynn for granted and i turned you from my best friends into ones that i could dismiss once i started making a name for myself. i made a new version of me, the perfect and polished stage version, and it was like once i did that, i couldn’t turn it off.

“honestly, there is no explanation for how i treated you. once you and the guys started the band, i just… i don’t know, i hated it. i hated that you had my best friend, and the girl i liked, and that your music was so much realer than mine. i hated myself for letting you get to me. so i just kept pushing the fake me until it became the real me.

“i’m lucky that flynn and alex saw through that. without them, i don’t know if i would have ever found the old me again. like i said, you don’t have to forgive me, but i just want you to know that i miss you, julie, i really do, and if you could ever give me a chance to show you who i am now, i would appreciate that more than you know.”

her words settle into the room and it’s like an eternity goes by before julie says anything. when she does, it’s like there is ice dripping from her voice.

“i don’t care about the things you said to me, carrie. those are just words, but what hurt the most? when my mom died, you didn’t have any. you didn’t say anything to me. that was the hardest time of my life and you _weren’t there_.”

“i should have been,” carrie says.

“you’re right. but i got through it without you. there were days when all i wanted was to talk to you about what it’s like when your mom isn’t around anymore and i couldn’t because i didn’t know what insult you would hurl at me if i tried to approach you.”

“i… ” carrie blinks back tears. “i am so sorry, julie. i should have been there,” she says again.

“look,” julie says. sighing. “i love that you make flynn happy. and i have to be honest, i miss you, the _real_ you, too, even though i have no idea what it looks like to work on being close to you again. i told flynn that i’m willing to try and i’m telling you the same thing. will we ever be best friends again? i don’t think so, but we can at least work on something, right? i can’t promise anything. i might realize in a month that i’m not ready. but that’s my call to make.”

“totally,” carrie says. she smiles at julie, but doesn’t show her teeth. “if you can give me a chance, that’s all i want.”

flynn squeezes carrie’s hand. “you know i’ll vouch for her, jules.”

julie looks at the two of them, studies them like she’s playing a spot-the-difference game. “i’m all about taking chances,” she says. she smiles at carrie. “so i know it’s your birthday and all but… i’ll see you at the show?”

carrie feels instantly lighter, like piles of bricks have been lifted off of her. “of course,” she says. “i’ll be there.”

*

 **julie** had found luke sitting on a bench in the middle of a park he had texted her the address of. it’s close to his parents’ house and she wonders if that is of any significance, but doesn’t want to bring it up and shift the balance of this re-do, which is currently leaning heavily in her favor. 

“how was it?” he asks now, squinting to look at her. “with carrie?”

she sighs and turns sideways, brings her feet up onto the bench and pulls her knees into her chest. “it was good,” she says. “it was a start, right?”

luke nods, but doesn’t push the issue further. julie appreciates this about him, that he lets her decide how far the conversation goes. 

“for a long time, i wasn’t sure if i’d ever hear her out. i was mad at flynn for a while, because how could she be so okay and happy with someone who had done what carrie did to us, you know? but it was good. i don’t think things will ever be the same as they used to be, but i got some kind of clarity and it’s up to me how i move on with that, right?”

“yeah, jules, you’re right,” luke says. “today’s really bringing it in terms of big life events.”

julie laughs and rests her cheek on her knees. she looks out towards the swing set and jungle gym, watches some kids play. “it’s nice here,” she says.

she hears luke sigh but it’s a few seconds before he starts talking. “my mom and dad used to bring me here a lot.”

“oh.” julie picks her head back up, looks at luke. “i’m sorry.”

he smiles lazily at her. “you’re pretty motivating,” he says. “maybe eventually i’ll be ready to hear them out, too. or maybe they’ll pull a carrie and come to me, but i wouldn’t bank on that.”

julie wishes she could fix this for him, like she could fix the course of the day by typing a different text than she had before. she knows she can’t — some things are too big for even a time loop to handle — but she takes comfort in the fact that, if she gets them out of this in one piece, she’ll be by luke’s side when it’s time for his version of a reconciliation to happen.

“if the guys knew we were hanging out right now, we’d never hear the end of it,” luke says, pulling her out of her thoughts. 

julie laughs and kicks one of her feet at him, nudges her toes against his thigh. “we hang out all the time,” she stage whispers.

“yeah, for sure.” julie thinks she can hear something like nerves in luke’s voice. “but it’s different this time.”

she raises her left eyebrow in curiosity. “how so?”

luke looks at her, and it’s like he’s drinking her in, like he’s never seen her before but somehow already knows her face by heart. she looks at him, too; watches the way his eyes keep dropping to her lips. she hears his breaths over the distant shriek of children, the exhales ragged like they’re catching on something on their way out, stumbling over words unsaid.

“luke?” she asks.

“yeah, boss?”

“are you going to kiss me already or what?” julie hardly thinks before she says it, figures that if it’s the wrong thing, there are still more chances to get it right. she puts her feet back on the ground and scoots closer to him.

luke licks his lips before he closes the distance between them. julie watches his tongue dart in and out of his mouth and she wonders how she ever made it this long without asking him that question. he looks at her like she’s going to fade away. when she doesn’t, when she stays right where she is, he exhales mint freshness and brushes his lips against hers, a whisper of a kiss. when he pulls back, she huffs in protest.

“luke,” she says, more of a whine than anything. “please kiss me.”

he smiles, and then he does.

and it’s so good that julie thinks maybe she’d be stuck in a time loop forever if it meant having a first kiss like this over and over again. it’s perfect and their teeth bump into each other and the sensation makes her shiver and gasp and her gasp makes luke sigh, ragged and wanting, and it’s so _good_ that julie thinks she could fail and never sing again and she’d be completely happy to carry the sound of this moment with her as the best song they’ve ever written together.

when they pull apart, it’s hesitant. julie’s instantly bashful, ducks her head and tries to ignore the warmth in her cheeks. when she does look at luke, she thinks she’s never seen him so at ease.

“i guess everyone can shut up about us now, right?” he asks. 

julie laughs and stands up, grabs his hand and pulls him up, too. she laces their fingers together and they walk towards the park’s gates. “you know they’ll never do that,” she says. “let ‘em talk.” 

*

“they won’t be late,” flynn says.

 **alex** looks over at her and grins. “probably not, but they might wanna be to avoid the _told you so_ s they have coming.” reggie laughs and alex reaches over and gives him a high-five.

flynn crosses her arms over her chest and glares at alex. “you better save it until _after_ the show, alex. let’s not rock the boat on your big day, you know?”

he cocks his head to the right. since they had all gotten to the orpheum, flynn had been acting weird, hovering over him and reggie and willie like their babysitter. “sure thing, _mom_ ,” he says. flynn rolls her eyes.

“i just don’t want to be the one that has to write a statement for instagram about how the band broke up because you guys tease luke into retirement,” she says. 

as soon as his name is out of her mouth, the door opens and there’s luke. he walks into the room, julie behind him, and they both look like they’re trying incredibly hard to keep a secret that is written all over their faces.

“so, julie,” alex says, crossing one leg over the other and putting his hands behind his head. “did you successfully give luke the sore throat flynn told us you have or do you need more mouth-to-mouth experimentation?”

she looks at him like he has three noses. “oh, um, hi to you, too?”

flynn ushers julie over to the side of the room lined in mirrors and alex watches luke look at her as she walks away. he nudges willie and smirks. he mouths _told you so_ and lets willie put an m&m on his tongue.

“you guys make me sick,” luke says, sitting next to them on the couch.

reggie answers before alex can, says, “you’re one to talk, dude,” and alex nods at him in appreciation and says, "thank you, reginald."

after ten more minutes, it’s time for soundcheck. flynn makes a beeline for the couch, where the guys have started to stand up and shake out their limbs.

“come on, willie,” she says. she grabs his hand and starts to pull him away.

“wait, are you kidnapping my boyfriend?” alex asks, taking willie’s other hand.

“i’ve been instructed to give him the full VIP experience,” she says. “and that _doesn’t_ include standing side-stage like a groupie.”

alex laughs and holds his free hand up in surrender. “i can’t tell if carrie’s bossiness is rubbing off on you or the other way around.”

“say goodbye, boys. you’ll be reunited soon enough.”

alex shrugs and leans in to press his forehead against willie’s. “she’s so dramatic,” he says between kisses.

“i heard that.”

flynn tugs on willie’s arm and turns away. for a second, willie is held between them like the rope in a game of tug-of-war. he let’s go of alex’s hand and presses the back of his own to his forehead, like a damsel in distress. “i’ll never forget you,” he says.

as they leave the greenroom, alex hears flynn’s parting words: “and _i’m_ the dramatic one?”

“ready, bro?” luke asks, sneaking up behind alex. he stands up on his toes and claps an arm around alex’s shoulders. alex does the same, rests his head against luke’s. 

“yeah,” he says. “we’re ready.”

*

when the four of them had walked off of the stage, _together_ , after soundcheck, it was like whatever invisible monster had attached itself to **julie** after making the deal with caleb had disappeared. the relief that she felt was like nothing she had ever felt before. she’d done it—she had saved her band, had saved her _family_.

now, minutes before they go on stage, the sound of the orpheum’s crowd finds its way to them in the green room. flynn and willie have already left, off to find carrie and settle in for the show. excitement and anticipation crackle like lightning bolts between the four of them.

“guys, band circle,” julie says. she waits for them to walk over to her, holds her hands out and feels one of luke’s rest on her left, one of reggie’s on the right. alex is across from her and she smiles at him before she starts talking. 

“we all know how big this is so i don’t think i have to mention that again. i just wanted to say something about each of you before we go on — ”

“oh, julie’s getting sappy,” reggie says, interrupting her. “where are the tissues?”

“dude, let her talk,” luke says. julie looks over at him and he’s watching her, nods at her to go on.

“we all have our parts in the band, right? we know the obvious ones, but it goes deeper than what instrument we play. reggie, you’re like our hands. you’re always steady. when mine are sweaty and tired from hours of practice, you always know what to do to keep me going. we get excited and frantic and loud but you bring us back down to earth every time.

“alex, you’re the spine. you hold us together, you keep us _standing_. the drummer isn’t always the focus, and i know you like it that way most of the time, but i think it’s easy to get lost in that. without you, we’d have no backbone; you’re our rhythm. 

“and luke,” she says. he squeezes her hand, intertwines their fingers. “you’re like the stomach.” reggie and alex both laugh, but she keeps going. “you’re always hungry for more. you push us to be better, no matter what. sometimes that can be annoying, like a stomachache, but we’re always glad we tried harder. without you, we wouldn’t be here tonight.”

“thanks, jules,” he says. he looks at alex and reggie, says, “mind if i close this one out?” 

“take it away, lover boy,” alex says.

“we may be all of that, julie, but you’re the most important thing. you’re the heart. you keep us beating. there’s no reason to have a spine or a stomach or a hand if there isn’t a heart. you take care of us and i don’t even think you realize that a lot of the time but we would be disasters without you.”

at that, reggie nods, mumbles, “that’s true.” julie laughs and her own heart floods with joy.

“you would do anything for us, julie,” alex says, finishing luke’s sentiment.

 _if only you knew how true that is_ , she thinks.

they hug, the four of them, and before they know it, a knock comes at the door. it’s time. 

julie’s hands shake as they walk out of the greenroom. she can hear the crowd’s conversations hush, the pre-show music fade out. before they head onto the stage, luke’s hand finds hers and he draws circles on her palm with a finger. alex’s hands are on her shoulders and reggie is bouncing on his toes next to her. “i love you, guys,” she says.

she’s never meant it more. she would make countless deals with caleb covington if it meant they could have moments like this for the rest of their lives.

she’s at her keyboard, doesn’t even remember walking to it or sitting down, but she’s here and the lights are blinding and she looks out and sees flynn and willie and carrie and her dad and carlos and she thinks if they don’t start playing in the next few seconds, her heart will keep beating so hard that it will run off of the stage, leaving her body behind.

she looks at her boys, one by one, and they each nod at her in turn. she puts her fingers on the keys and bows her head and thinks of her mom, sends a silent _thank you_ up to her. she starts playing and it’s like it’s the first time she ever has; she relishes the excitement and wonder of being able to keep the audience’s attention like they’re on a hook strung from her melody.

she lifts her head to the microphone, takes a breath, but when she goes to sing, it’s like her vocal chords have gone into hibernation. out of the corner of her eye, she sees the purple flecks on her skin get brighter, dance over each other, sparkle under the spotlight. her fingers freeze over the keys. 

she does what she did at soundcheck time and time again: she stands up and she leaves the stage.


	6. keep going on

* * *

she doesn’t know how long she stands just off of the side of the stage before someone comes to her rescue, but it feels like an eternity to **julie**. her breaths are jagged, her chest so tight that she can’t even swallow. her hand is wrapped tightly around the purple flecks that refuse to stop catching her eye like a stray piece of glitter.

her ears are ringing and instead of the ocean, she can hear the roar of the blood rushing to her head. it takes a few seconds before she registers the sound of someone calling her name. she looks up, blinks away some tears, and sees reggie standing in front of her. 

“julie, what’s wrong? is it your throat still?” his voice is loud but gentle and his cheeks are even more flushed than usual, probably from a combination of adrenaline and concern. 

she shakes her head and tries to catch her breath, knows she can’t talk without air but it’s so hard to bring any in. 

“hey,” reggie says. he puts his hands on her shoulders to steady her. “we have a few minutes. luke’s gonna serenade the crowd with something acoustic. talk to me.”

“you’re not going to believe me,” she manages to say. the words are fractured and shaky.

“try me. but first, take a deep breath, okay?” he inhales slowly, nods at julie to make sure she does, too. 

she does, or at least she tries, and holds it in for a second before exhaling, the stream of expelled breath stuttering morse code. she tries again, inhales and lets it out. she knows she doesn’t have time to recover completely, isn’t going to be able to stop the shaking all the way, but she gets it under control enough to talk. the words, when they come, are a raging river.

“you just have to trust me, reg. i made a deal with caleb covington and he put us into a time loop because we had a big fight at soundcheck and _you left_ and i couldn’t let you leave us and we weren’t going to make it to showtime and, long story short, this is the fifth time we’ve done this day but he was supposed to give me my voice back when i got us to the show and broke the cycle but it’s still gone. i can’t sing.”

reggie stares at her, blinks slowly, his mouth hanging open. “okay,” he says. “i know you wouldn’t be telling stories right now no matter how you’re feeling, so i believe you. the catch was he took your voice?”

julie nods and lets out a sob. reggie steps forward and wraps his arms around her and julie sinks into the hug. “that guy’s bad news,” he says after a beat. his voice is almost swallowed up by her hair. “he obviously wanted to trick you into not being able to sing no matter what happened. but, julie… ”

he pulls back and looks at her again. “you can do anything. remember what luke said? you’re our heart. you did this for _us_ and do you know what’s stronger than some creepy magician guy’s curse?”

she shakes her head, wipes the palm of her hand across her nose and sniffs.

“ _we_ are,” reggie says. “we’re at the freakin’ orpheum, julie. we’re here together and that’s all because of you. we’re a family.”

“but we’re not magic,” she protests.

“you don’t know that. i thought that guy was just a myth but if he’s real then why can’t we have some tricks up our sleeves, too? we trust each other, right?”

julie nods. she hears luke come to the end of whatever song he was playing and start to banter with alex. reggie looks toward the stage then back at julie, shifts his weight from foot to foot.

“i’ll tell luke that we have to change it up and he can start the song, okay?” reggie asks. “just believe in _us_ and don’t even think about that covington dude. we got this.”

he turns and walks back onto the stage and julie watches as he heads over to luke and whispers something to him. she knows she has to go back out there, knows it might not work and she’ll have to rush off into the wings another time, but as she watches the guys — _her_ guys — settle back into their places, she can’t help but feel something like hope. they had said she was the heart of the band, but here _they_ were, keeping hers from sinking to the floor.

when she walks back to her keyboard, the crowd cheers, a reception she wasn’t entirely expecting. she feels luke’s eyes on her the whole time and, when she looks across the stage at him, he gives her the most genuine smile she thinks she has ever seen, one that scrunches up his nose. she smiles back, tries to make it convincing, and nods at him. _now or never_ , she thinks.

they start the song again and she plays like she’s on auto-pilot. when luke’s voice comes in where hers usually does, it feels wrong, like a sign of what’s to come if she can’t find her own. the audience is loving it, eating it up, and their energy washes over julie like caleb’s smoke had hours or days or an infinity ago. as the song moves forward, as alex’s steady rhythm and reggie’s strong bassline and luke’s gravelly vocals come together to lift julie up, she lets herself settle completely into the moment.

music is julie’s life, luke and reggie and alex are julie’s family, and it would take a lot more than a time loop and some purple freckles to take that away from her. 

luke keeps going, past the chorus and into the second verse, and reggie saunters over to the keyboard. julie looks at him and inhales deeply, like she can take the sounds and the lights and the atmosphere into her body and use them to her advantage.

“you got this,” reggie says. the sound of his voice is swallowed by everything else and julie has to read his lips. “just sing.”

it’s the second chorus and she leans towards the microphone. she opens her mouth to join in and there’s only silence, like her vocal cords were never there at all. she shakes her head, not ready to give in, and pulls the mic out of its stand, slides off of her bench and walks toward her band.

alex grins at her, twirls a stick. reggie rests his back against hers and it’s like his body is vibrating, like it’s radiating music and offering it for julie to take. she walks over to luke and he stops playing for a second and reaches out, touches his hand to her heart. something is knocked loose inside of her and she looks at her arm, the purple duller and without its shine. 

luke starts to sing the bridge and he tilts his head toward his mic, inviting julie to share it with him. she doesn’t think about it, doesn’t consider that it won’t work, just steps right up to it and takes a breath. she hears luke’s lyrics, hears his voice so confident and strong: “i feel like i needed some help, stuck in my head with nothing left.”

julie realizes, as he sings those lines, that she does need help. she may have saved the band but the band has saved her, too, in so many ways, and she needs them again right now. she puts her hand on luke’s chin and turns his head to face her, rests her forehead on his. the crowd gets louder, fevered, but julie blocks it all out, focuses on luke and the song and the last line of the bridge and she breathes and it’s magic when her voice leaps out of her like it’s been waiting for her to figure it out the whole time: “fight through the dark and find the spark.”

the final chorus is euphoric, an anthem, and julie walks out onto the part of the stage that’s surrounded by the audience and she belts like she never has before. her voice is hers, entirely, but it’s also something new, something stronger than it had been before. as the song ends and she raises her fist into the air, the purple tattoo rises out of her skin, dances around her before turning darker, more menacing. it swirls up and up and she watches it as it goes, higher and higher before finding its way into a vent.

 _i hope you’re watching now, mister covington_ , she thinks. 

*

when **julie** wakes up, she’s forgotten. a few minutes pass before she remembers and then it comes to her in a flood: a deal with a devil, the same day over and over, finally making it to the show and having to steal her voice back. she reaches over and picks up her phone, looks at the date. she sighs in relief; it’s finally _tomorrow_ , with no sounds of breakfast being made downstairs, no text from reggie that she had gotten so used to. 

after taking their final bows the night before, after soaking in the applause and the cheers for as long as they could, they’d headed off the stage. as soon as they made it back to the greenroom, julie had made a beeline for luke, had practically ran towards him, and threw her arms around his neck. he’d been surprised, had exhaled sharply when she touched him, but he relaxed into her touch, had wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground.

julie thinks about the way he’d twirled her around, how he’d buried his face in her hair and splayed his fingers across her lower back. her shirt had ridden up and she had felt them against her skin, cool and electric. she could have sworn he sent lightning bolts up her spine. she hears his voice, remembers the way he had said “we did it,” his exhale hot against the shell of her ear. 

when he had set her back down, when they’d stepped back and let go, it was like she had left a part of herself in luke’s arms. she knew she would never be the same again.

eventually, the seven of them had ended up at carrie’s house. there was a cake, three-tiers and perfect pink, and flynn had lit the candles. they had all sang “happy birthday” to carrie and julie remembers how she had felt in that moment, how she’d put everything she had into that simple song because, if things had gone different, she may not have been able to. 

alex had waited until after they finished eating to ask, “so what happened, julie?”

for a second, she had thought about lying, had thought about making up some excuse that she was sure they wouldn’t fully believe but would accept for what it was. she’d looked at flynn, at reggie, and they’d nodded their support. she’d taken a deep breath and started telling her story: “my mom always warned me about a magician named caleb covington.”

*

flynn, carrie, **alex** , and willie are on the beach. they walk past the snow cone stand and a wave of familiarity washes over alex. he blinks it away; he’s been here countless times before so of course it feels familiar, but maybe…

“what do you think we did?” he asks. “ya know, when we were groundhog day-ing it.”

“i only remember a couple of the re-dos,” flynn says. she and carrie are a few steps ahead of alex and willie, their hands joined and swinging between them, and flynn looks back at alex. “but i think it was always kinda similar. i’d leave carrie’s and she’d hang out with you guys.”

“i can’t believe you never told me,” carrie says, pulling on flynn’s hand. 

“my lips were sealed! i might have slipped up once, though.”

the girls veer off towards a bench and alex and willie follow. they sit together, shoulders against shoulders. alex shades his eyes with his hand and looks out over the water. he thinks about how different it would be to take in this view if julie hadn’t done what she had, to watch the waves and feel like they were coming to sweep him away, instead of lapping at the shore of the future. 

“i think we sat here,” alex said. 

willie squeezes alex’s hand and kisses his cheek. “dude, we sit here all the time,” he says.

alex shakes his head. “no, i know, i just mean”—he waves his and willie’s hands in the air—“i’ve been here recently but i don’t really remember it. it’s just a feeling.”

carrie laughs and leans her body into alex’s, rests her head on his shoulder. “you’re starting to sound like my dad, lexi. want me to set up a meditation date for you two?”

“not funny, carrie,” alex says. he tries and fails to stifle his own laughter.

“hey, flynn,” willie says. “tell us again about how my boyfriend was being a big drama king?”

alex groans and throws his head back, lets the sun throw flashing interruptions into his vision. “you weren’t innocent either, william!”

“it doesn’t matter,” flynn says. “we’re here, right? julie got her voice back, that was an _amazing_ show last night, and we’re all where we belong.”

alex leans forward and looks past carrie at flynn. she has sunglasses on but alex can feel her eyes on him behind the lenses. he nods at her, silently tells her _thank you_. he thanks her for being julie’s best friend, thanks her for helping carrie take a step she couldn’t admit she wanted to take. flynn nods back and alex gets his answer in the softening of her face, the arch of her eyebrow: _that’s what family is for_. 

(and **flynn** can’t help but think that maybe the most bizarre thing, the most unbelievable part about the whole situation, isn’t that they were in a time loop at all, but that she’s part of a group of people who would all make the same decision that julie did without hesitation.)

*

when he opens the apartment door and sees julie standing on the other side, **luke** feels more things at once than he thought was possible. there’s the instantaneous awe at, well, everything about her; she’s beautiful, always is, but she’s _glowing_ today and luke realizes he never knew what that expression meant until this moment.

there’s more awe, too, but in a different way. he looks at julie and he remembers everything she told them last night and everything that happened at the show and he thinks he’s so _in awe_ of this girl, so fascinated by her, that the feeling might take him over like a tidal wave, might pull him under and trap him in its own gravitational pull. she did so much for them, she might as well have parted the sea, and still she’s standing here on his welcome mat like it was nothing.

and then there’s the love, because what else could it possibly be? there’s the blinding, terrifying, bigger than any feeling he’s ever known love. 

“are you going to invite me in or just stare at me?” she asks, interrupting his thoughts.

“oh, yeah,” he says, stammering. “sorry, jules. come in.” he sweeps his arm out like a presenter.

she shakes her head at him, smiles. “you’re so stupid,” she says. when she walks past him, her hair brushes against his outstretched arm and its whisper on his skin makes him shiver. 

“where is everyone?” she sits on the couch, makes sure to push a blanket under her for extra padding. 

luke clears his throat and goes to the couch, too, sits with one leg under him. “still at carrie’s, i think.” 

they sit in silence for a few seconds, the only sound a steady _drip-drip-drip_ from the leaky kitchen sink. “how are you?” he asks. 

“we should probably talk,” she says, at the same time. 

they laugh and julie tucks a stray curl behind her ear and luke wishes he would have done it first. even with one couch cushion between them, he feels a pull to her, feels like he needs to be closer.

“obviously, i dropped a lot on you last night,” she starts. “i can’t imagine how wild it all sounded… ”

“wild? yeah, something like that.” his foot is starting to get numb so he stands up, shakes his leg out, sits back down on the middle cushion. the couch dips and his knee falls to the side, rests against hers. “i believe it, though,” he says. “i believe all of it. i know you wouldn’t come up with that kind of thing if you were just nervous or sick or whatever.”

“that’s a relief,” julie says. she swallows hard, takes a breath. her hands are resting in her lap and she’s picking at one thumbnail. she’s scared, luke thinks, worrying about something, and he reaches out and sets his hand on top of hers, quieting them.

“what’s wrong?” he asks. 

julie looks down at their hands and her hair falls in front of her face. “nothing,” she says. “really, it’s nothing. i just don’t know how to”—she slides one of her hands out from under his and gestures between the two of them—“it’s harder to talk about us when i know there’s no chance to re-do it if it doesn’t go well.”

“oh, i mean, i have covington’s number if you wanna make another deal?”

julie looks up and rolls her eyes, smiles bright enough to put the sun to shame. “you’re an idiot,” she says.

“i think everyone knows how i feel about you, jules. and now, knowing that we could’ve lost everything? i don’t want another minute to go by without telling you that i love you.”

the words rush out of him without asking first. when they do, julie’s eyes go wide, but not in a bad way; they have a shine in them, and it’s like luke can see that they want her to smile bigger than she just did, the outer corners with an upward tilt.

“maybe that’s stupid. i mean, i know we’re still teenagers.”

“no, luke,” she says, shaking her head. “it’s not stupid. i love you, too. i didn’t and then i did and i do now and i will for as long as you’ll have me.”

“oh, that part’s up to me? i’ll have to get back to you with a timeline,” he says. 

“okay, don’t be that way,” she says, laughing. “you know, maybe if you weren’t so stubborn, we could’ve had this conversation already.”

luke scoffs, feigns being offended. “i’m not stubborn, i was just waiting for you to be ready… and i was also trying not to mess things up.”

“yeah, well, it can’t get any messier than what i just put us through.” her eyes flash with something that luke thinks is fear, like she’s worried everything will go back to how it was.

“hey, don’t think about that,” he says, voice low. 

julie hums in acknowledgement but doesn’t say anything else. luke wishes he could go back and take on the burden of saving the band. he can’t, so he settles for lightening the mood instead. 

“how many times did you get to kiss me, boss?” he asks, his eyebrows waggling up and down. 

“just the one,” julie says. she puts both hands on luke’s chest, palms flat. luke knows she can feel his heartbeat, steady and strong. “until now.”

she doesn’t ask him like she did yesterday. she leans forward and presses her lips against his and luke’s breath hitches in his throat. he takes one of her hands in his own, holds it between them, and cups the back of her head with his other, pulls her closer to him. he can smell soil and stems; she must have been in the studio before coming over, watering the plants one by one.

“i could do that again,” he says, after they break apart. he brushes a runaway eyelash off of julie’s cheek and holds it up for her to make a wish on.

“i don’t know,” she says. she grabs his finger and shakes it, the eyelash falling out of sight. “i think i’ve had enough of magic and wishes and doing things over and over. besides, we have so much to look forward to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's that! thank you so, so much for reading. i hope you enjoyed the story.

**Author's Note:**

> this story was born out of my desire to write my first multi-chapter fic. it started with a general idea of "what if it was multiple points of view all spanning the same amount of time" and it turned into this time loop experience that required charts and lists and cross-checking like i have never cross-checked before. as of posting this first chapter, i have half of the story written, so there should be a pretty consistent posting schedule (fingers crossed!).
> 
> i know that this will not be everyone's cup of tea, as it's not heavily ship-focused (but they are there! they are cute!), but i hope if you have read this first chapter that you have enjoyed it and will continue reading.


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